


Jaws of battle

by Ischa



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adoption, Canon-Typical Violence, Family Feels, Kid Fic, M/M, Original Character(s), Sexual Content, Werewolves, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 03:28:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7874404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Bucky is looking for himself after Washington, Steve and Sam are looking for Bucky and find something that reveals  a secret that the Howling Commandos kept for over 70 years and took to their graves.<br/>A close to canon Werewolf-Bucky AU. </p><p>  <i>In reality Bucky knew Steve’s skin had never been that smooth when they were kids. There were always scrapes and bruises and cuts on him from all the fights he was insisting to get into. But this was Steve nevertheless. Teenage Steve, scrawny and beautiful and – that moment of realization one hot summer day in Brooklyn that Steve was beautiful. This was the moment. </i><br/><i>The wolf stopped at the edge of the clearing where Steve was lying naked, looking at him. Directly in his inhuman eyes.</i><br/><i>And he smiled.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to thank my betas, especially Kirstin for doing such a great job on this.  
> Also: omletlove who let me ramble on and on about smell and metal arms and Bucky. She came up with the title too.  
> My artist, HeartOfTheMirror, who made the most adorable art. Lupescu taking a bath. <3 Check out her work here: http://heartofthemirror.tumblr.com/post/148521891427/lupescu-buckys-feral-werewolf-son-taking-his

**Part One**

~One~

_Now:_   
“What the fuck,” Sam said and yeah, Steve could understand.   
This wasn't what Sam had signed up for, hell this wasn't what Steve had signed up for but he would be damned if-  
“What the FUCK ?!” Sam breathed out, staring and Steve couldn't blame him. 

He was staring too and it hurt. His heart hurt, his body hurt and he wanted so badly to smash things. That must be what Bruce means when he says he's angry all the time, Steve thought. 

“Sam,” Steve said quietly.

“No,” Sam replied because he knew Steve too well. He was grabbing for Steve's arm to keep him there, but it was a lost battle. Nothing would keep Steve in the doorway. 

“He's not going to hurt me,” Steve said, he said it for Sam's sake, because really he couldn’t know. 

The kid was stuck mid transformation and Steve had never seen anything like it, because Bucky, Bucky never – his transformation had always been fluid. Human to wolf and back, but never this, this grotesque thing between both.   
This must hurt, Steve thought and – HYDRA must have taught him. The kid snarled; he was big like this and he was scared and he could do real damage to Steve. Not to mention Sam.   
Steve remembered Bucky – back during the war – the carnage left in his wake sometimes. But the kid's eyes were familiar even like this and – Steve took a breath and got down on his knees, sat there with his head bowed. And waited. 

“What are you- HELL,” Sam said, but he stayed where he was when the kid approached Steve. It was scent, Bucky had explained once. It was scent and maybe this kid could smell it all over Steve too. Bucky – Bucky had recognized it after all these years. On that bridge, he had recognized Steve's scent.   
Steve shivered – with fear, he tried not to, but couldn’t help it – the kid inched closer like the predator a wolf was. Steve stayed where he was. Sam probably cursed him out colorfully in his head, but Steve had to take a chance here. The kid was on the defensive and he was curious. 

Steve shivered again as he felt the snout on his skin, on his neck, behind his ear and then the kid pushed and Steve was on his back, lying on the dirty floor and the kid's hands (with sharp claws) were digging into his skin, piercing the armor. Sam cursed, the kid breathed out sharply and then licked Steve's skin. Steve bit his lip. There was a scar under his collar that Bucky left him with. That Steve had to lie about for years.   
The kid exposed it by shredding Steve’s clothes and then licked it too, sniffed it and Steve could feel the kid relax. The kid rolled onto the floor on Steve's left and curled up. When Steve turned his head carefully the kid was a wolf. Small, a cub only really. He didn't trust Steve enough to be in his vulnerable human form, but he recognized something in Steve that made him want to trust Steve.   
It was enough. Steve reached out carefully and stroked the wolf''s head. The wolf let him. 

“What the fuck?” Sam breathed. 

“I'll explain later, we have to get out of here and I want this facility destroyed,” Steve said his voice sounded hard and vicious to his own ears. 

“Okay, man,” Sam replied. 

Steve patted the wolf and then scooped him up. The wolf growled, but then sagged in Steve's arms, snuggling closer. He was light, and thin, Steve could feel his ribs. It made him even angrier. 

~+~  
“This is real, right? I'm not hallucinating or anything?” Sam asked with a look at the wolf on the bed once they were back in their rented apartment on the outskirts of Prague. He wasn't sleeping, he was watching them, observing, cataloging. Steve had no idea if he even understood English. 

“Yeah, it's real,” Steve said. 

“Jesus fuck,” Sam replied, running a hand over his face. “Jesus fuck.” He kept his distance from the wolf cub, who only tolerated Steve being close by “How?”

Steve sighed. Of course Sam would wonder, everyone would, everyone except the people who had known about Bucky, but most of them were dead. The HYDRA scum that wasn't would be soon.   
Steve was sure that Peggy knew, even if they never told her. She was sharp like that. Always had been. “Bucky,” Steve said.

“What?” 

“Bucky had been one too.” 

“One what Steve?” Sam asked. 

“A werewolf,” Steve answered. 

“Jesus fuck,” Sam said again. Sam looked at the kid once more. “That's why he likes you?” 

Steve snorted. “Just because he hasn't ripped me to shreds?” 

“Could he do that?” 

“Bucky could have,” Steve replied, rubbing at the scar on his neck, absentmindedly. “And Bucky   
never – the – how this kid looked when we came across him?” 

“Yeah?”

“Bucky never. I didn't know it was even possible.” 

“Okay. So what is this?” Sam asked. 

“I have no idea. He looks – a bit like Bucky when he had been a kid.”

Sam closed his eyes. “How is this – no I don't want to know. I really don't want to know, because, I - “ Sam took a breath. 

“Yeah,” Steve said because he felt exactly the same way. But he wanted to know. Needed to know because if he knew how this kid came to be, maybe he could retrace Bucky's steps, find something, a clue to where Bucky was now and what he was doing. If he even knew that this kid existed. 

“I'm gonna get some food,” Sam said and then stopped as he was grabbing his wallet, “Human or – bloody steak?” 

“Human, but get some fresh chicken too,” Steve replied, because sometimes Bucky had been killing hare when he had been hungry and in wolf form. He had never been a picky eater. 

“Okay,” Sam said and left. 

Steve looked at the wolf on his bed. “So, you and me buddy,” he whispered.   
He wanted to run his fingers over the fur, get the tangles out and feel the kid's warmth. But he didn't dare. He still wasn't sure the kid wouldn’t bail on them. Or attack them while they were sleeping. He wondered if HYDRA had also injected him with the butchered up serum they gave Bucky all those years ago.   
The wolf just looked at him. There was something familiar about his eyes, even if they weren't the same blue color Bucky's were. “You want some water?” Steve asked.   
The wolf just looked at him.   
Steve got up, grabbed a bowl and filled it with water. He put it on the nightstand, so the wolf didn't have to get up and wouldn’t get the bed wet.   
The wolf ignored it and Steve sighed, left the room, didn't close the door.   
He was in over his head and the only person who could help wasn't there. 

_Then:_  
He skidded to a halt and then jumped. Attacked really, straight for the jugular. He didn't really taste the blood, didn't register the screaming.   
His body was burning up. 

Jones was screaming, but Bucky ignored that too, because Dernier was cornered and Bucky had to get to him. Had to. Could. Just a leap would bring that Nazi soldier down. He jumped on the soldier's back. Someone screamed, maybe it was Dernier, maybe it was the soldier under his paws. 

“No!” Jones yelled and Bucky turned around, baring his teeth. 

Dum Dum was staring at him, his pistol raised. Directly at Bucky.   
“What the fuck?” Dum Dum asked. 

Bucky wasn't relaxing, his body was ready to fight, leap and rip apart. 

“Hey, it's fine,” Jones said, coming closer, very slowly. 

Bucky took a breath and relaxed in degrees, he could feel it in every muscle. 

“A giant wolf just rescued Dernier. And saved our asses in the process and – you wanna explain that, Jones?”

“It's complicated,” Jones said. 

Dernier said one word hushed like it was a secret or a curse. It was both, Bucky thought. 

“Yeah,” Jones said. 

“What? Speak English!” Dum Dum exploded. 

“It's Barnes,” Jones replied. 

Bucky sat on his ass and just watched. 

“Barnes is back at camp running a goddamned fever – you told me that!”   
Bucky barked.   
Dum Dum lowered his pistol. “Goddamn it!” He ran a hand through his hair. His breath came in puffs of warmth.   
Bucky didn't feel the cold at all. His body was still hot. The blood was a stark contrast to the snow covered ground. 

“We should go,” Dernier said.   
Jones nodded. 

“Goddammit! ” Dum Dum said again. 

~+~  
“It's like a Gothic novel really,” Bucky said, shivering. He was covered in roughly five blankets and was sitting as close to the fire as he could handle without burning himself. The change was taking it out of him. He was starving, but his stomach was revolting at the thought of food. It was kinda fucked up. Jones handed him the flask with whiskey or what passed for it these days and in these parts of the world.   
He swallowed gratefully. 

“A Gothic novel? Barnes, you are a goddamned werewolf,” Dum Dum said.   
Bucky handed him the flask. Dum Dum took a long swig. 

“I guess,” Bucky replied. 

“How long?” 

“Remember that ambush three months ago? In the middle of that fucking forest?” Jones asked. 

“I wasn't there. You and Barnes – got lost.” 

“Yeah, we did. Got separated too. Found Barnes bleeding and in the throws of a fever and the next thing I know he's snarling at me and growing claws and really fucking big teeth.” 

“I made a Red Riding Hood joke once I was myself again,” Bucky said, flashing his teeth. 

Dum Dum took another swig. “So this is a thing you do now?”

“I guess, can't really control it,” Bucky admitted. He changed whenever he felt like someone was in danger that he cared about, or when he was feeling threatened. 

“You better start to control it. Who else knows about it?” 

“No one,” Bucky said. He shivered harder. “Can't imagine they will let me walk when they discover I can – that I am - “

Dum Dum took another swig. “Goddammit.”

“And Jones kept it to himself?” Dernier asked. He looked shaken still. 

Bucky couldn’t blame him. “Yeah.” 

“How many times did you save our asses like this?” 

“Counting today?” Bucky asked. 

“Yeah, counting today.” 

“Four. The other three weren't as public. Just took out some stragglers .”

“Goddammit,” Dum Dum repeated. He finished the flask.

“We thought you were seriously sick,” Dernier threw in. 

“I am seriously sick,” Bucky replied. He had thought he was going to die for sure when that wolf attacked. And then later when he was feeling like his skin was melting right with his insides. 

“I think it's an advantage,” Jones said. 

“That he's howling at the moon? Do you howl at the moon, Barnes?” Dum Dum asked. 

“Shut up,” Bucky said with a smile. 

Dum Dum grinned. “Goddammit ,” he replied, but it was hushed and awed. “It's not a full moon today.” 

“Isn't a full moon thing. I change when I feel in danger. Or feel my pack is in danger.” 

“Your pack?” Dernier asked. 

“He is our CO,” Jones said. He lit a cigarette, handed it to Bucky. 

Bucky nodded his thanks. Took a deep drag. 

“So? What now?” Dernier asked. 

Bucky shrugged. “I don't think I can reverse it. Wouldn't know where to start anyway and – it's useful.” 

“Why didn't you tell us sooner?” Dum Dum asked. 

“Didn't want to get you in trouble. I bet this is something the higher ups would love to explore.”

“Exploit,” Jones said hard. 

Bucky didn't argue. He was terrified of someone strapping him down to a table and trying to find out how it worked. He could feel the wolf inside him. It was part of him. He was the wolf, the wolf was him. It had hurt like a bitch the first few times, but then there came a point where the wolf just took over and it was – smooth. Didn't hurt at all. 

“So we keep it a secret,” Dernier said. 

“Thank you,” Bucky said. He was so fucking relieved right now.   
Jones looked to Dum Dum. 

“Like hell will I tell this to anyone. They'll lock me up,” he said.   
Jones nodded. 

~+~  
Bucky snarled and Jones stopped. He could hear something in the distance. And he could smell death on the wind. The wolf was ready to flee. This wasn't a good place.   
The human in him, the soldier in him, would do his duty. 

“This is bad,” Dum Dum said, and Bucky growled. “Yeah, real bad,” Dum Dum repeated. 

“We should get the hell out of here,” Dernier said. 

“We have orders,” Jones threw in, but he wasn't too sure about this mission either. Bucky could smell the fear on all of them. 

He stepped forward. 

“Settles that,” Dum Dum said, cocking his gun. 

~+~  
Everything was blood and fear and adrenalin.   
Red haze, the chase, the kill.   
His fur was drenched in melting snow and hot blood.   
Men were screaming.   
And then finally the silence. 

~+~  
He came to around the fire. He was still a wolf. Jones was scratching behind his ear. He could smell the blood on himself and on the others. 

“What a fucking night,” Dum Dum said.   
Dernier was agreeing in French.   
Jones just looked into the fire.   
“Straight out of a Gothic novel,” Dum Dum added. 

Bucky could feel the pains of the shift and whimpered. Jones threw three blankets over him and everyone looked away.   
He sat up slowly. His muscles ached, hell his bones ached. His fucking hair ached.   
Dernier handed him a bottle of cheap wine. Bucky downed half of it. The wine washed the leftover taste of blood from his mouth. 

“Can't say it isn't a thing of beauty to see you rip through enemy lines,” Dum Dum said. “Fucking terrifying too.” 

“Thanks, I guess,” Bucky said wryly. 

“Hey, I'm still getting used to it. And I'm not sure if it's better having you sniff out snipers or be one at our backs.” 

“Wasn't an option this time,” Bucky replied. It was all about the terrain and they were still surrounded by the fucking woods. He hated to wear clothes in this weather. He loved being a wolf. He loved to run. Just run.   
Dum Dum nodded.   
Jones lit a cigarette and handed it over to Bucky.   
Bucky took it with slightly shaking hands. “Thanks.”   
Jones nodded. 

~Two~

_Now:_   
“We have to have this kid checked out,” Sam said on day three. Sam was continuing to keep his distance and the kid was still not sleeping. But he had drunk the water and he'd eaten the raw chicken too. He was still in his wolf form. 

Steve nodded. “I know. But can't take him to a vet and can't take him to a doctor either.” 

“Makes you wish Natasha was here,” Sam replied. 

“Yeah,” Steve said. It made him wish that, or Bucky. Bucky would know what to do, or maybe – Steve didn't know. Bucky wasn't the man Steve had known all those years ago. A lifetime really. 

“How come he likes you anyway?” 

Steve shrugged. “I can only guess,” he replied. “Bucky once said it had to do with scent. Maybe that kid feels the same way about how I smell as Bucky did. You know I never understood why Bucky wanted to be my friend. Why he put up with me, because I was a horrible fucking kid,” Steve admitted. “Always getting in trouble and I was angry a lot and Bucky-” he stopped because how could he describe all that Bucky had done and how much he had meant to Steve? 

Sam nodded like he understood. “So, no one knew in your unit?” Sam asked.

“About Bucky being a werewolf?” 

“Yeah,” Sam said, pouring them coffee. 

Steve stirred sugar into his, took a sip. “Jones was the first to know. He was there when it happened. They kept it under wraps. Took Bucky some time to tell me about it.” It took nearly three months for Bucky to tell Steve after he rescued Bucky from that room. Steve had known that Bucky was keeping secrets, but he had thought it was about the torture he had endured and not – not this. And when Bucky finally took off his cl othes and turned, Steve had been speechless. The only word he could use to describe the experience was magical.

“When it happened?” Sam asked. 

“When Bucky was bitten,” Steve clarified.

Sam looked in the direction of Steve's room where the wolf was. “You think they did that to the kid? Let a werewolf bite him?” 

Steve shuddered. He remembered how Bucky had told him the story of his first transformation in hushed tones. How Steve wanted to press Bucky against his chest and protect him at all costs – and he had failed.   
“I don't know,” Steve said. “We'll have to ask him.” 

“He doesn't talk. I mean, he can't right? When he is a wolf?” 

Steve smiled. “No, he can't. Not in a human language at least.” 

Sam nodded. “Okay – to be honest everything else would've freaked me out big time. Aliens I get, okay? And gods because they're just aliens too, but this – this is from here, this is – or is it an alien disease?” Sam asked. 

Steve didn't know. Hadn't considered it back then. There weren't any talks about aliens back in the forties. It could be, he guessed. Thor's people had been on earth before. Who knows who else had stopped by? And what they left behind?   
“I don't know. We kept it under wraps, for obvious reasons.” 

“Yeah, I get it man. It would still freak people out big time. Shapeshifters. Man. Never a dull moment with you, is there?” Sam laughed.   
There weren't enough words in the world to tell Sam how glad Steve was to have him as a friend. 

“Thank you,” Steve said. 

“For what?” 

“Coming with me, helping me, not running away screaming and leaving my ass here.” 

Sam smiled. “Never man. And don't mention it.”  
Steve nodded, drinking his coffee . 

~+~  
Steve slept on the floor because the wolf had taken over the bed. And Steve really didn't mind. He hadn't even tried to invade the space the wolf made his own.   
Steve opened the window, because the cooped up wolf began to smell. Steve knew that the boy was changing back to human form to use the toilet but he only did that when Steve and Sam weren't home. They made it a point to leave at least three times a day. 

“You need to take a bath,” Steve said gently. The wolf looked at him, one ear twitching. “And maybe let me wash the sheets too?”   
The wolf didn't do anything except look at St eve. Steve grabbed the phone to have the basics translated into Czech and then he pushed away from the window opened the door to the bathroom wide and let warm water run into the tub.   
After a while he heard footsteps. The bathroom was small, but had a window and it was a warm summer day. Steve opened the window too. Laid out fluffy towels and left the bathroom. He didn't close the door, suppressing the impulse to hover.   
Steve got a glimpse of a small human back before he turned and went to the kitchen. It didn't seem painful to turn for the kid. Like it hadn't been painful for Bucky.   
He smiled while he prepared dinner. 

“You're in a good mood,” Sam said. 

“The boy is taking a bath,” Steve replied. 

“Oh, good.” 

“In his human form.” 

“Oh,” Sam said. “Is he alright?” 

Steve shook his head. “Only got a glimpse at his back. Don't know. Probably not, but – they heal faster.” 

“Jesus fuck,” Sam said. 

“Hungry,” the kid said suddenly in a rusty voice. He was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Naked, small, too thin. He couldn't be older than ten.

Sam jumped, turned around and then relaxed. “Scared the fuck out of me.” 

The kid cocked his head. “Hungry,” he repeated. 

Steve smiled at him, dished out dinner and placed it on the table. The kid grabbed a plate and vanished into Steve's room. 

“I call it progress,” Sam said frowning. 

“Yeah,” Steve replied. 

“No fresh wounds, but a few scars,” Sam said. 

“He seems fine,” Steve said, playing with his food. “He's getting stronger too.”

“And he understands English.” 

Steve nodded. Did he always understood or was it a recent thing? The kid was staying with them for three weeks now. He must have picked up some things. Or, at least, th e words he needed to communicate what he wanted. 

“Maybe we should get him some clothes,” Sam mused. 

Steve nodded, even if he wasn't sure the kid would wear them. “Bucky hadn't liked wearing clothes after a transformation. Said his skin felt too sensitive.” 

“Okay...” Sam replied. “Maybe that's why the kid was standing in our kitchen naked like the day he was born.” 

“Maybe,” Steve said. 

“Steve?” 

“Or maybe he doesn't have a concept of clothing, for himself I mean...” he didn't want to say it. 

“Because animals don't need clothes,” Sam said, because he understood. 

“Yes,” Steve replied. 

Sam pushed his plate away. “Jesus fuck. I want to kill the people who did this.” 

It shocked Steve, hearing the anger in Sam's voice. The hatred.   
“Yeah,” Steve said. “I know.” 

 

_Then:_  
Most of his time in the laboratory was a blur, up until Steve's face. And he still didn't believe it at first, because how could Steve be here? How could Steve be this?   
But it didn't matter, because it was Steve. Bucky could smell it on Steve: home, and worry and friendship and love and something even deeper, but he wasn't sure if it was coming from Steve or from a place deep inside himself. 

“Steve?” 

“Yeah,” Steve said, getting him out, crushing his tender body to his own, it hurt but Bucky didn’t care. “I thought you were dead.” 

“I thought you were smaller,” Bucky replied, letting go, pushing away. His heart was beating too hard in his chest. Everything, every single sense was on high alert around Steve. He had to keep a distance, had to ask about Steve, had to distract from his own – from what he was now.   
It worked like a charm. 

~+~  
It didn't surprise Bucky that once they made it out Steve asked Bucky's guys to be his. Bucky had no problem sharing and he knew Jones, Dum Dum and Dernier. He liked Morita and Falsworth as well.   
The problem was that Steve didn't know. Morita and Falsworth didn't either. Dum Dum and Jones were covering for him. Dernier refused to speak English when Steve asked him about Bucky. 

“You have to tell him, man,” Jones said one night. They were on watch and it was the fucking forest again, but at least it wasn't winter. 

“Tell him what?” Bucky asked, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

“Don't even try that, James,” Jones answered. “He's our CO and he is your friend.” 

And I'm in love with him, Bucky thought. What is another secret when you’ve kept that one for so long?   
“I-”

“You honestly think he will sell you out? That he won't be your friend anymore? What are you afraid of?” Jones cut in, snagging the cigarette away and taking a deep drag himself. “Your – condition is an asset. You are an asset,” he finished, handing the smoke back to Bucky. 

“Thanks.” 

“James-”

“I know. It's just hard. He is not the man I left back in Brooklyn.” 

“You are different now too.”

“Yes,” Bucky said. “The difference is; he is Captain America, I'm something out of a horror movie.” 

“James. We can't cover for you forever. No one knows how long this war will go on. You aren't our CO anymore.” 

“I know,” Bucky said. “I know.”   
Jones nodded. 

~+~  
“Wanna go for a smoke?” Bucky asked, rattling the few cigarettes left in the package at Steve.   
Steve looked to Jones and Dernier and then back to Bucky. 

“Sure,” he said and followed Bucky into the woods. 

Bucky could feel Steve at his back, could feel the questioning gaze, could smell him too. His senses were sharper than before the attack, sharper than before the lab.   
When he though they were far enough away from the small camp, he stopped and leaned against a big old tree. He could only hear wildlife around them.   
He lit a cigarette and Steve waited him out. He smoked the whole thing in silence, put it out against the rough bark of the tree, threw the butt into the cigarette pack and then started to strip. 

“Buck-“

“I can’t tell you what’s wrong-“ he began, as he unbuttoned the shirt. 

“So there is something wrong?” Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest, and my god, Bucky thought, those arms. 

He flashed a quick smile at Steve. “As if you don’t know.” 

Steve nodded, his eyes stayed somewhere above Bucky’s collarbone. “So what is it?”

Bucky shook his head, got out of his boots and socks; the grass was wet and the earth soft, but prickly because of small stones and twigs under his feet. It still felt good. He felt connected. 

“Jones and Dernier know? Don’t they? Dum Dum too?” Steve asked, because he could never just let things be. 

“Yeah,” Bucky said, pushing down his pants and boxers until he was naked. 

“Buck- you’re naked.” 

“Yeah, genius, I noticed. Now – you maybe want to turn around for this part. It’s not really pretty.” 

“I know how your ass looks,” Steve said stubbornly. 

Bucky laughed and let the change happen without another word. It didn’t hurt anymore. Not much anyway, but it wasn’t a pretty sight either. Jones could watch, but Dernier always looked away. It didn’t take long, that was the good part.   
When it started Steve made a step forward as if to hold him or something. Bucky groaned and snarled and Steve stopped. Once he was on all fours and the world was sharper around him he looked at Steve. 

“Holy shit,” Steve said. 

Bucky barked. 

“Can you talk?” 

Bucky shook his head. He could understand human speech, but his anatomy wasn’t human anymore. He was still himself, but more savage, driven simply by instinct

“So did Dernier and Jones see your naked ass too?” Steve asked, crouching down to be on eye-level with Bucky. 

Bucky snorted and then nodded. At least Jones did. That first time. 

“Does it hurt?” 

Bucky shook his head. 

“Looked like it hurt,” Steve stated, reaching out and then stopping. “Can I pet you? You look so soft.” 

Bucky wanted to roll his eyes at Steve, but he just butted his head into Steve’s open palm.   
“That’s a yes, right?” Steve said with a smile. 

Bucky licked his fingers and Steve laughed. Bucky let him run his fingers through his soft fur until Steve had enough. 

 

~Three~

_Now:_   
“So in your unit, the Howling Commandos,” Sam said, pointedly not looking at the kid sitting on the floor and devouring eggs and bread. The boy still wasn’t talking beyond: hungry, thirsty, bath sleepy. “They knew?”

“Yes, and yes Bucky was the reason they, we, were called the Howling Commandos. The rest of the soldiers, those who didn’t know, just thought we had adopted a really big scary dog.”

“Dog, really?” 

Steve grinned. “Okay, some knew it was at least a half-wolf but – I did have privileges and I used them for Bucky.” Steve wasn’t ashamed to admit it either. There were lots of things he’s done for Bucky that he probably wouldn’t do for anyone else. “He was – magnificent is the word I like to use. Scary and beautiful and protective. All of his senses were sharper in human form too. Back then we thought it was because of the wolf, it probably was too, he healed faster as well, but maybe part of it was whatever Zola did to him.” Steve looked out of the window. “We found a lot of dead people in that lab . Bucky was the only one who made it. I think – maybe it was because of the wolf that he made it.” 

He could feel the kid’s eyes on him, watching him. Steve was pretty sure the boy didn’t think they would do him any harm, but he wasn’t sure the kid understood that he was free now. That no one would demand a goddamned thing from him. That he could say no.   
Steve turned slightly so he could look at the boy. In human form he looked like he could be Bucky’s younger sibling. Not exactly like Bucky, the hair was lighter, the nose not quite like Bucky’s back then. But his eyes were similar and he had the same pretty mouth.  
“Want more eggs? Or bacon?” Steve asked. 

The kid nodded. “Bacon.” 

Steve smiled at him. It used to make the boy snarl, but now he just looked at Steve. Never smiled back. Probably didn’t know how. Didn’t know why he should.   
Steve put bacon on his plate and a piece of bread buttered thickly as well. He wanted this kid to 'put some weight on. Looking at him made Steve hungry.   
Bucky used to eat a lot, but he hunted a good part of it himself. Never let Steve or the Commandos see him when he was killing deer or rabbits.   
Bucky had burned through food like Steve. War was hard on all of them, but Bucky sometimes joked that the wolf at least never went hungry. 

~+~  
“The kid needs a name,” Sam said. They were grocery shopping again, between Steve and the kid they were almost always out of food. “It makes me uncomfortable to call him ‘boy’ all the time.”

“I know,” Steve replied. Steve had thought about it but – he couldn’t name the boy after Bucky. He was pretty sure that the boy was related to Bucky, but the boy didn’t know. 

“We can’t stay here forever either.” 

“What else is there to do?” Steve asked. “I can’t take him back home. You know that. Whatever is left of SHIELD would want him. Or any other government organization. He’s just a kid. Needs to be protected.” 

“You could adopt him,” Sam said, suddenly looking very interested in the tomatoes. 

Why hadn’t Steve thought about that? They were in Europe, Steve could pull some strings, Tony would help for sure. Maybe even Natasha if he could get a hold of her. He could go back home to Brooklyn with a kid. His kid, Bucky’s kid. Legally bound to Steve.   
“That is a brilliant idea,” Steve said. 

“I imagine it’ll be a bit shady, but you are way better for the kid than anyone else,” Sam said. “He needs a family not a lab.” 

Steve smiled at him. “You think I can raise a kid?” 

“I’ll help,” Sam answered, tossing the tomatoes to Steve. 

“Thanks.” 

“Don’t mention it.”

~+~  
The hard part Steve realized would be to get the kid dressed. He wasn’t wearing clothes and there was no way –

“Capsicle,” Tony said into his thoughts. “I am a billionaire. With my own jet.”

“Right,” Steve replied. 

“So, is he like a robot or-?” Tony asked. 

“We don't know and no you can't have a blood sample or look at him,” Steve answered. 

“You are no fun. Why am I helping you again?” 

“Because it's the right thing to do,” Steve said. 

“I'm wounded, Steve. Really. Your answer should have been: because we're friends,” Tony replied. “I'll text you where the jet will pick you up,” he added before Steve could say anything and hung up.   
Smooth, Steve thought with a sigh.  
Tony sure had his flaws, but he was always there when Steve really needed him and a private jet would make this easier. 

“Stark helping out?” Sam asked. 

“Yes, of course.” 

Sam nodded. “I’m sure Pepper can make the adoption papers look legit.” 

Steve laughed “That be because they’re legit.” 

Sam smiled. “You thought of a name?” 

Steve shook his head. He hadn’t. Maybe it would be best to let the boy decide what he wanted people to call him. 

~+~  
It felt a bit like he was abandoning the search for Bucky when he got on the private plane. The kid didn’t like it, but he didn’t make a fuss either. He wasn’t wearing anything except a very soft blanket around his shoulders. He was officially a Rogers now. Steve had never thought that he would have a child someday. When he had been a kid himself it seemed sometimes hard to see the future at all and then when he started to get interested in girls, they just weren’t into him.   
And then there was the serum and girls started to take notice, but they were also in the middle of a war and Steve had been a soldier first and a man second.   
When he crashed the Valkyrie he had been sure that his family would die out that way. His name never forgotten but not remembered for the right reasons, by people who mattered. Like Peggy’s family.   
And now here he was, legally a father. It didn’t matter that this boy wasn’t his by blood, because he was Bucky’s by blood and Bucky had always belonged to Steve.   
Like Steve had always belonged to Bucky. It had been – probably, most likely, who was he kidding – a dangerous co-dependence.  
The boy curled up in one of the big soft seats and clutched the blanket to his chest. 

“Hey, it’s fine,” Steve said, “We’re going home now.” 

The boy didn’t say a thing, just stared out of the window and clutched the blanket harder once the engines started.   
Steve knew they had a long way to go.   
At least no one could get to the boy anymore and Steve still had Sam. 

_Then:_  
It was better of course with Steve knowing. Steve was their CO, Steve was able to protect Bucky and his secret. It was also handy because Steve wasn’t digging into the other thing anymore.   
The other thing that Bucky wasn’t looking too closely at. The time in Zola’s laboratory was a nightmare he wanted to leave behind.   
He knew he should question what had been done to him. What Zola had tried to achieve by his experiments. All those dead soldiers coming before him.   
He was sure, deep down, that he only survived because he was something more than human. The wolf made him more resistant. He was Zola’s only success.   
And failure, Bucky thought grimly. He was alive, he was fighting the good fight and one day (soon) they would get their hands on Zola and lock that son of a bitch up.   
Maybe revenge wasn't a healthy reason for living, but – Bucky shrugged it off.   
It wasn't like this was the only reason to live, even if Steve didn't need him anymore like he used to, he still needed Bucky, still trusted Bucky to have his back.   
He took a calming breath and shifted. He was a better and more inconspicuous scout as a wolf. 

~+~  
“Fucking snow again,” Bucky grumbled. It was 1944 and the war was still going strong. Sometimes he wondered if it would ever end. He hadn't seen what he used to call home for what felt like an eternity. 

“You used to like snow,” Steve said, mildly. “When you were a kid.” 

“Yeah, now what comes to mind is the forest I was attacked and changed in. Blood on snow and my insides burning like a fire was spreading through my veins and leaving only ashes behind,” Bucky replied. Steve looked at him then. Bucky could feel Steve's gaze. But then he could always feel that gaze on him. From that very first time Steve looked at him, defiant and bloody and eyes promising pain if you touched him. Ah, fond memories, Bucky thought. How fucked up were they? Really?

“Buck-”

“I'm fine now. Better even,” Bucky cut in because he was pretty sure he couldn’t handle whatever Steve was going to say. 

“I know. I look at you and I know. You enjoy being a wolf,” Steve said quietly. 

Bucky shrugged. It was true enough. He did like it. The freedom, the new view of the world and all the living things in it. How instinct was so much sharper and not hindered by second guessing. How words weren't needed to convey his moods, his needs. How Steve's hands felt in his fur. 

“Dernier made coffee,” Jones said and Bucky was glad for the interruption, because he had no idea what to answer Steve. 

“Thanks,” Bucky replied, getting up. He stretched, feeling his muscles protest, because he had been sitting for way too long. Steve just nodded, but didn't get up. Steve wasn't sleeping as much as he used to. He wasn't sleeping as much as a normal human being should, Bucky thought, but then neither was he. 

“Cap?” Jones asked. 

“Gonna grab one later,” Steve said, still staring at the endless woods like answers were there. 

Bucky seriously doubted that, but then he didn't know what questions were pressing on Steve's mind.   
Jones gave Bucky a look. Bucky shrugged. Steve was a stubborn punk and had always been. The serum just made it worse.   
Steve would grab a mug of coffee when he was good and ready. 

~+~  
Steve was looking worried and Bucky never liked that look on Steve's face, especially when it was underlined with stubborn determination. 

“Okay, spit it out,” Bucky said. 

Steve looked over the camp and then sighed. Just a slow exhale of breath. Bucky watched the slight sheen on Steve's lips. 

“They found Armin Zola,” Steve said. 

“Finally. Son of a bitch needs to rot in prison for the rest of his life for what he did to – all these soldiers,” Bucky spit. 

Steve looked at him then. “To you.” 

“Yeah, to me too,” Bucky acknowledged. They usually didn't talk about it and Bucky wasn't about to share the few details he could remember from that time with Steve now either. But he could acknowledge that he wanted revenge for it, at least to himself and to Steve. 

“He knows where the Red Skull is hiding out,” Steve said. There was an undertone, a kind of warning, coupled with understanding. Because Steve knew him.

“I never said I wanted to kill him,” Bucky replied. 

“I never said it either,” Steve said quietly, “it doesn't mean I don't want to kill him for what he did to you.” 

“Now you know how that feels,” Bucky said. 

“What?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “All those times someone kicked you while you were on the ground?” 

“You wanted to kill all these schoolyard bullies for kicking me while I was down?” Steve asked, unbelieving.

Bucky shrugged. “You always thought I was a better man than I really am, Steve.” 

Steve shook his head. “I know you. The fact that you didn't -” 

Bucky laughed. “Shit, Steve, I would have left a trail of bodies as often as you got into trouble.” 

Steve made a face. “It wasn't that often.” 

“We both know that's a goddamned lie.” Bucky huffed. “I mean look at you. You went and played labrat because you wanted to get into trouble so badly.” 

Steve didn't look at him when he said: “Maybe I did it because staying behind was unbearable for me.” 

Bucky had no answer to that and he wasn't going to read anything into Steve's words, because that was really unsteady and dangerous ground.   
He was saved by Agent Carter of all people. 

~+~  
“Of course,” Bucky said, “it had to be the freaking mountains in freaking winter.” 

Dum Dum laughed, slapping his back. “You're gonna live Sarge .” 

Jones was listening on the transmissions as Bucky glanced at his team. Fucking Howling Commandos. He felt a warmth spread through him that was really close to what people called love, he thought.   
Bucky looked to Steve. “Remember when I made you ride the Cyclon e?” 

“Yeah? And I threw up?” 

“This isn't payback, is it?” Bucky asked. 

“Now why would I do that?” Steve grinned. 

Bucky shook his head, fondly.   
The truth was, this, as Falsworth had said what felt like years ago now, was rather fun.

~+~  
Of course, he thought as his back hit the snow, it is always fun and games until someone dies. It sucked that it was him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

~One~  
_Now_  
“Okay,” Tony said and Steve looked at him. “You realize he looks like Barnes, yes?”

“Yes, Tony.”

“Good, just making sure you know you're raising your lost – friend's, son.”

There was an implication in that pause Steve chose not to acknowledge. “I know.”

“Does that mean,” Bruce asked, peering over Tony's shoulder, “That you are giving up on finding Bucky?”

Steve sighed. “No, yes. I don't know. All of our leads are cold. I can't leave the kid with anyone else, because he's too dangerous. Doesn't trust anyone-”

“Yeah, and why does he trust you?” Tony cut in. Steve could see Bruce roll his eyes at Tony.

“My scent,” Steve answered.

“Care to elaborate?” Tony said.

In fact, Steve didn't. “Bucky-”

“Who was a werewolf too,” Sam cut in helpfully.

“Oh, okay...” Tony said.

“Bucky said that there was something familiar about my scent, same with some of the other guys that were part of the Howling Commandos,” Steve replied.

“And suddenly that name makes so much more sense,” Tony said. “Did dad know?”

“I don't think so.”

“Peggy?” Bruce asked.

Steve shook his head. “We didn't tell her, but I think she had figured it out for herself.” It was never spoken of, so Steve really couldn’t be sure. But Peggy had always been smart.

“She probably knew,” Tony dismissed. “Werewolves,” he said, shaking his head. “What next?”

Bruce gave him a look. “We had aliens , Tony.”

“Yes, but aliens , are natural, this is- supernatural.”

“I'm sure it can be explained with science. Maybe werewolves are descendants of aliens ,” Sam threw in.

“Oh, that is a brilliant theory,” Tony said.  
Steve wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not.

“Maybe once the boy is feeling secure you can leave him with Sam or someone else and keep looking for Bucky,” Bruce said.

Steve nodded. He wasn't sure who would be qualified enough to deal with a werechild. “I wish Bucky was here.”

He was well aware that looks were being exchanged over his head, but he just didn't care. He hung up on Bruce and Tony and went to the small kitchen to make something to eat.

~+~  
The kid hated the TV. And computers. It was something about the screens, Steve and Sam figured. Maybe he had seen Zola's face like Steve and Natasha had. He refused to talk and he still curled up on the end of Steve's bed in his wolf-form to sleep. Now Steve was allowed to share the bed. His fingers itched to run them through the soft looking fur. Like he used to do with Bucky on cold nights. Bucky had preferred to sleep in wolf-form more often than not during winter. The fur kept them both warm.

~+~  
“Have you chosen a name?” Bruce asked, calling just after breakfast.

Sam was out running. Steve hadn't been running since they came back to the States .  
“No,” Steve said.

“Maybe it would help him to have a name, Steve. You thought of that?”

“No,” Steve said. “I don't want to force anything on him.”

“I understand,” Bruce replied. “But a name gives you identification, a self and a connection to people, family, friends. Even the Other Guy has a name. Chosen for himself.”

Steve nodded. What Bruce said made a lot of sense. And Steve really didn't like calling the kid, Kid or child.  
“I'll talk to him about it,” Steve said.

Bruce nodded and turned the conversation to other matters.

~+~  
Steve sat down on the bed and the kid looked at him. Still naked, but not malnourished anymore. He looked healthy and attentive, his head cocked to one side.  
There was a lot of space between them. Either of them sitting on one end of the bed. The kid had a small room at the apartment they shared with Sam.

Tony had wanted them at the Tower, but there were too many people for Steve in the Tower so he wasn't going to make the boy stay there either.

Steve took a breath. “I was thinking you'll need a name.”  
The kid just looked at him.  
But Steve came prepared. He had a few pictures printed out. Of Bruce, Tony, Pepper. He held them up and said their names. “I'm Steve,” he said.

“Steve,” the kid said, pointing at him.

“Yes, and you need a name too.”

The kid nodded and then pointed at himself, rambling down a list of numbers and letters.

Steve looked at him. “You like that name?”

The kid looked down at the comforter. Steve had the feeling he understood more than he was letting on. After a long silence that felt like an eternity to Steve, the kid looked up and said, “No.”

“You can pick a new name,” Steve said. He had a list of boys' names printed out and handed it over to the kid.  
Steve knew he could read. After all it wouldn’t make any sense to have a weapon like that, an asset like that that couldn’t read mission reports.

The kid scanned the names quickly and then threw the list aside. “No.” He said, crossing his thin arms over his chest.

“Okay,” Steve said at a loss.

The kid nodded and curled up on the comforter.  
Steve sighed.

~+~  
Sam was watching a documentary on his tablet, with headphones on when the kid walked in and sat down next to Steve who was reading. He looked at Steve, pointed at the book and said: “Read.”

Steve looked down at him, it was the first thing that wasn't a necessity that the kid wanted, so Steve turned to the first page and started reading.  
He wished he had picked a novel instead of non-fiction, but the kid snuggled closer to Steve on the couch and closed his eyes and Steve just read him a story about King Carol and his mistress Lupescu.

At one point the boy looked up, Steve could feel his gaze boring into him. “Lupescu,” he said gently.

Steve couldn't really remember Bucky's voice as a kid, but now every time he thought back to those times he heard Bucky in the boy's voice.  
He grabbed Steve's sleeve and Steve looked down at him. “Lupescu,” he said, pointing at himself.  
Steve had half a mind to protest, because it wasn't a first name and it was the name of a royal mistress, but then he just nodded. According to the book Lupescu's name was a play on her real name: Wolff.  
Steve wasn't sure if the boy was aware of the meaning of the name.

“Lupescu,” Steve said, pointing at the boy.

The boy nodded, smiled: it looked a bit feral around the edges, but Steve took whatever he could get.

~+~  
“How is being a daddy treating you, Cap?” Tony asked. Steve could see robots doing something in the background. By now he wasn't paying too much attention, Tony was often calling from his workshop. “Are you getting fat already?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Is this an important call or are you just touching base?”

Tony frowned. “All my calls are important. Sam says the boy has a name now. You had to let him chose his own name, didn't you? What kind of name is Lupescu?”

“He likes it.”

“Yeah, well. You know that Lupescu was blamed for destroying a whole empire?”

Steve smiled. “Yeah I know.”

Tony looked at him. “You like that thought.”

Steve shrugged. Maybe he did. He wasn't going to endanger Lupescu, but maybe one day the boy could bring down the rest of HYDRA.  
Right now Steve couldn’t hunt down HYDRA agents.  
“It has a certain poetic justice.”

“Well, not sure the boy will have any evil empire left to destroy,” Tony said.

Steve's attention was on him. “What do you mean?”

“Someone, or should I say, the boy's daddy? Is dropping Hydra agents like flies, underground bases are burning and bodies are showing up at police stations all over Europe.”

“You can't be sure it's Bucky.”

“Please,” Tony said.

“It could be Natasha,” Steve argued.

“I give you that she's good and that she can hold a grudge like it's nobody' s business, but it doesn't feel like her.”

“'But it feels like Bucky?” Steve questioned. Like Tony would know that.

“No, it feels rather impersonal to be honest, that's why Bruce and I think it's Barnes.”

“I thought Bruce wasn't that kind of doctor,” Steve said.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Just thought you'd like to know. Sending the files now.”

He hung up before Steve could answer.  
He itched all over with the need to find Bucky, to talk to him, to get him help but – there was Lupescu now and he needed Steve more than Bucky right now it seemed.  
Bucky was an adult, he could function on his own. He knew when to hide and he knew when to attack and he knew how to get things.  
He knew how to avoid Steve as well.  
Bucky didn't want to be found.  
Thing was Steve didn't know how to give up looking for him, even if he temporarily stopped.

~+~  
“Part of it is probably guilt man,” Sam said, setting his beer down. The kid was curled up on the sofa with three hotdogs on his plate.

“I know,” Steve replied, because he did know that: he had felt guilty for not looking for Bucky – not right away, there was the mission, and the grief, but when he woke up in New York, in that fake room: Seventy years later, nearly everything and everyone he knew was gone and Bucky's death was too fresh to handle. It hadn't helped knowing that they never found his body. Now of course Steve knew why. While he was sleeping buried under ice, Bucky was tortured.

“You think you should have looked for him, even if only to bring his body home,” Sam said.

Steve nodded. “Yes. I did that the first time around. When he was captured. That was – that was what I did, I wanted to at least bring his body home.”

“And now you want to bring Bucky home,” Sam said, “But you have to realize, that maybe this person isn't Bucky anymore. Not the man you knew.”

Steve nodded, glanced at the boy, who was watching them. “When I found him in that lab, he hadn’t been the boy I used to know.”

“To be fair, neither were you,” Sam said.

Steve nodded. “I know.”

Steve was glad that Sam didn’t try to talk him out of his guilt. Maybe it hadn’t been his fault that Bucky fell, but it had been Steve’s decision not to look for him. That was on him and him alone.  
Maybe Lupescu was his chance to atone.  
Maybe it was better than to try and kill people who had hurt them. Not that Steve was stopping his team from hunting down HYDRA.

~+~  
Steve itched with the need to be out there with the rest of the Avengers. He wanted to hunt down the last remaining HYDRA cells as well, but he knew he couldn’t leave Lupescu alone.  
The boy wasn't shying away from Sam and he didn't freak out over Tony's calls anymore either, but Steve still didn't think it would be a good idea to leave him in someone else's care for long. And then there was Bucky: Steve wasn't giving up on Bucky. He was glad that Sam took over chasing down leads that got them nowhere.

It was a surprise really to find Lupescu arguing with Tony over the phone.  
Lupescu was snapping and growling and Tony was - Tony.

“Tony,” Steve said, putting the bag with groceries down on the counter.

“Capsicle,” Tony replied.

Lupescu looked from Tony to Steve. “Steve,” he said pointing at Steve.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Sure, sure, but I like to call him Capsicle, keeps him on his toes. An old man like him needs that.”

Steve was so close to rolling his eyes at Tony.

“Capsicle?” It was a question and Tony knew it.

“It's because he is Captain America and he spent a lot of time on ice. Like an ice-sickle. ”

“Oh,” Lupescu said. “Capsicle!”

“Yes,” Tony said. “You have a smart kid there, Cap. I like him.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Steve said. “Why did you call?”

“Actually I didn't, that was your little wolf,” Tony said.

“Don't call him that,” Steve snapped.

Lupescu frowned at Steve, ”Wolf, like Capsicle?” he asked Tony.

“Yes,” Tony said.

“What is yours?” Lupescu asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What is your other name?” Lupescu asked.

“Iron Man,” Tony said.

“Your other other name!” Lupescu demanded.

“I don't have one,” Tony said.

Lupescu frowned. “I will give you one,” he replied and disconnected the call.

Five seconds later Tony was calling back. Steve picked up. Before he could say anything Tony said, “Rude!” and hung up on them.

“Capsicle,” Lubescu said.

“I don't really like it when he calls me that,” Steve replied.

“What do you like?”

“Bucky used to call me Stevie when we were kids, but Steve is fine.”

“Bucky?”

“Your father,” Steve said, it kinda slipped out.

“Father,” Lubescu replied. “They told me I don't have a father or mother.”

“They lied. That's what they do. They lie. Bucky is your father.”

Lupescu nodded. “Is he like me?” he asked, transforming into a wolf.

“Yes,” Steve said. “He is like you.”

Steve waited for the wolf to turn back, but Lupescu wandered off into Steve's room and curled up on the end of the bed instead. It seemed that conversation time was over.  
Steve was optimistic. This was the longest they ever talked after all.

 _Somewhere else:_  
Bucky was running. He was himself and not. More, better, faster. And everything seemed just so uncomplicated. He crashed through the underbrush and skidded to a halt. There was a boy, pale and young. Bathing, sunbathing in fact. He was naked and skinny.  
Bucky, but really it was the wolf, shook his head. This didn't belong here.  
The sun was hot and something cracked inside him.

Bucky woke up with a start, gasping. There was a name at the tip of his tongue, but he bit it off and just breathed. The dream again.  
He never knew if he was going to kill and eat the boy, lay down beside him or turn him over and fuck him. All three of those were a real possibility. The dream seemed part fantasy, part memory. He stared at the shadows on the motel ceiling and wondered who he was. What he was.  
He could feel the wolf inside him. Had felt it for the first time on that bridge. On that bridge when the smell of the man (Steve) hit him, the wolf was ready to tear his way out of Bucky's skin. Bucky hadn't known it back then.  
Now, a few HYDRA bases down he knew a lot more about his past than he thought was healthy. The wolf wanted to run, but they were too close to people – and that was a convenient excuse wasn't it? Bucky hadn't shifted once, hadn't even tried since he first felt the wolf again. It had to be again, because he had been a werewolf before HYDRA twisted him into their killing machine. He had flashes now of that time before. Of running. Of killing yes, but also of snuggling close to a human being. Fingers in his fur. When he dreamed about being a wolf it was peaceful, except when he crashed into that clearing. Then his pulse speed up and he had to wake up, he wasn't ready yet to see that dream through to the end.

~Two~  
_Now_  
It got easier after that.  
Tony called a lot after that too. Steve wasn't sure he liked it. It was good for the boy to make friends, but – Tony.

“You're thinking too much,” Sam said, putting his bag down by the door. He just came back from Prague again because one of Tony's leads panned out, but by the time Sam arrived there, the HYDRA cell they had missed was smoke and there was no trace of Bucky.

“Lupescu is becoming friends with Tony,” Steve said. It was late, and Sam had told him to not wait up, but Steve couldn’t sleep anyway. Besides, he didn't need as much sleep as a normal human being.

“That's good.”

“It's Tony,” Steve said.

“But: Would Bucky be friends with Tony?” Sam asked.

The truth was that he probably would have. He and Howard Stark got along just fine if it hadn't been in the middle of the war. But then if it hadn't been in the middle of a war Bucky and Howard would’ve never crossed paths.

“Probably,” Steve admitted. “Bucky liked Howard well enough.”

“You liked Howard,” Sam said.

He had liked Howard. At least after he figured out that he and Peggy weren't going on dates. Or having sex.  
“Sure did,” Steve said.

“Let the kid be,” Sam replied, tiredly. “I'm beat man, going to shower and then bed. Talk more tomorrow?”

“Yes, sorry,” Steve said.

“No problem, man,” Sam got up and disappeared in the shower. It was good having Sam back.

~+~  
“Sam,” Lupescu said at breakfast. “Did you find father?”

Sam gave Steve a look and Steve shrugged. “No. I think he doesn't want to be found.”

“Why?” Lupescu asked.

“Because he is on a mission and he isn't ready to face Steve yet. Or the life that he doesn't have anymore,” Sam replied. Sam never talked to Lupescu like he was just a kid. Neither did Tony.

“What is his mission?”

“As far as I can tell? Destroying HYDRA.”

“Isn't that also Tony's mission?” Lupescu asked, wolfing down his pancakes.

“The Avengers are hunting the remaining cells down,” Sam answered.

“But Steve is an Avenger,” Lupescu frowned, then grabbed another stack of pancakes. He was eating a lot. Steve was sure that it wasn't only the werewolf in him, but that he was also enchanted to some point.

“Steve is taking care of you,” Sam said gently.

“Yes, he is,” he looked at Steve then. “I can take care of myself. You can go and find father. Fight with Tony.”

Steve had honestly no reply to that, except: “I'll think about it.”

~+~  
“'Have you thought about it?” Sam asked later when they were watching TV. Lupescu was in his room, he still slept with Steve, but he also liked to be alone and sometimes he and Tony had hour long discussions about god only knew what. It was good for Lupescu, since he started to call Tony his speech became a lot better.

“Thought about what?” Steve asked.

“Don't. You know what I mean.” Sam took a swig of his beer.

“I don't know. I mean, I'm not really needed out there, am I?”

“Natasha hasn't come back yet, it's really just Clint, Hill and what's left of SHIELD. Tony too.”

“Thor,” Steve cut in.

“Yes, but he's mostly in it for Loki's scepter.” Sam was only half joking. They all knew it was Thor's priority. Taking down HYDRA was just a bonus.

“You could help them,” Steve said.

“No wings,” Sam replied.

“Tony could fix that and you know it. Just ask him. I bet he will jump at the opportunity to make you better, flashier and faster.”

Sam smiled, took another sip of his beer. “Yeah, Stark would. So you don't want to get out there again?”

“I didn't say that,” Steve replied. He did want to go out there again. He missed the feel of the shield, the power when it came back and he caught it. Chipped paint under his fingertips after a hard battle.

“The kid is alright,” Sam said.

“I know.”

“Did you think about school?”

“For Lupescu?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” Sam smiled. “For Lupescu.”

“No, not really,” Steve admitted.

“You think he can't play well with others?”

“Maybe? I don't know. I don't know how well he can play with others because he doesn't leave the apartment. You might have noticed how he still doesn't wear clothes and no matter who I am that won't fly with any school,” Steve replied.

Sam laughed. “Yeah, I think you might be right on that one.”

“Besides if I can help it I don't want people to know he's my kid. It will be easier when he's just Lupescu Rogers, not Captain America's son.”

“To keep him safe, ” Sam said.

“Yes, other heroes have secret identities, I never had the luxury to not tell the world my real name and show them my face. He should have that choice. He should have all the choices.”

“He's a kid, Steve. Sometimes they need the grown-ups to handle things,” Sam said gently.

“You think I should get him into school,” Steve replied.

“Yes, or maybe hire a tutor, private teacher. Can't you afford that?”

“Tony sure can,” Steve answered and Tony took a shine to Lupescu.

“Talk to Tony then, he is your friend.”  
Steve nodded.

~+~  
The woman Tony found was a thirty-two year old, take no nonsense kind of teacher.  
She was obviously surprised to find Captain America opening the door, but recovered quickly. Steve trusted Tony to have checked her out thoroughly. After Natasha managed to slip under his radar he was extra paranoid.

“Tony didn't tell you for whom you will be working,” Steve said, kindly.

“He certainly didn't,” Miss Hartwich replied, taking Steve's offered hand.

“Did Tony tell you anything about it?”

“Only that the pupil is a very bright young man,” Miss Hartwich answered.

“Of course,” Steve smiled. That was probably the only thing that was important to Tony. And he liked to mess with people. Throwing her into deep water and see if she swam or sank was his way to test her.  
Steve didn't approve, but he had to admit that it was effective. He made coffee ad they sat down in the kitchen to talk.  
“His name is Lupescu, he is eleven and has a condition,” Steve said.

“Medical?” Miss Hartwich asked.

“Yes,” Steve said. “He also doesn't wear clothes.”

“I see,” Miss Hartwich replied. “Mister Rogers,” she said, looking at him. “I can't say I approve of eleven year old boys not wearing clothes, but I am not here to raise the boy, I am here to teach him things he would learn if he would go to a school.”

“I understand,” Steve said.

“Do we have to work around your schedule?”

“No. I'm currently staying at home, and when I should be needed at work, Sam will be here.”

“One last question, before I see Lupescu,” the name rolled very naturally from her tongue, Steve thought, ”and decide if I'm going to take the offer. Is he violent?”

“No,” Steve said, because Lupescu wasn't. “But he doesn't trust strangers, so I wouldn't try to touch him or come close until he makes the first move.”

She nodded, her brows furrowed. “He was abused, wasn't he?”

“Yes,” Steve said and left it at that.

“Let me meet the boy, Mister Rogers,” she replied, getting up.

~+~  
“How did it go?” Tony asked.

“She swam,” Steve replied.

“Good woman. So she will teach the little wolf then?”

“Yes, she took the very generous offer.”

“Does Lupescu like her?” Tony asked. It was meant to be an offhanded comment but Steve knew Tony cared.

“He doesn't hate her,” Steve smiled. “She's Russian.”

“I know. She also speaks French and German.”

“I see,” Steve replied. Lupescu spoke Russian and German too, on top of a bit of French as well as Czech.

“Women love French,” Tony said and hung up on Steve.

~+~  
“I want to go to the museum,” Lupescu said at dinner a few weeks later.

“The museum?”

“Where there is the Captain America exhibit,” Lupescu said. “I want to see father.”

Steve felt a stab of pain at that. He thought he could be Lupescu's father. But it was clear that Lupescu saw Bucky as his father. Maybe because he was blood and pack.  
“Lupescu,” Steve said, “he won't be there.”

“I know,” he replied, rolling his eyes. He was becoming a real boy, that at the end of a tiring day turned into a wolf and curled up on Steve's bed to sleep. “But his life, photos, his things will be there.”

“I see.”

“You never speak about him,” Lupescu said quietly, looking at his plate.

“You never really asked about him.”

Lupescu looked up, his eyes blazing and reminding Steve all too much of Bucky's. “You should have known that I want to know about him!”

Steve took a breath. “He died a hero.”

“I don't want to hear about his death. I am proof he isn't dead at all. Sam is looking for him right now. He is out there somewhere and he doesn't even know I exist!” He pushed the plate away and got up, balled his hands to fists.

Steve stayed at the table. “He was, he is my best friend. I didn't know he was alive, if I had known I would have looked for him. I didn't know- “ so many things, Steve thought, bitter.

Lupescu paced in the small kitchen. “Was he born a werewolf?”

“No, he had been bitten during the war. No one really knew about it, except the Howling Commandos.”

Lupescu frowned. “Bitten? By whom?”

“A wolf? A really big wolf, that was what Bucky said. He thought he would die and then he didn't and became a werewolf instead. It was very unusual. We didn't have a clue about aliens and all the other things that we know about now. Not that werewolves are known to the public,” Steve answered.

“And you want to keep it that way.”

“Don't you?” Steve asked. It had never occurred to him to go public with this.

Lupescu shook his head. “Father didn't tell people. And it still got him in trouble.”

“Yes, when he was captured by HYDRA.”

Lupescu snarled, baring all his teeth. “I hate them. They told me they were pack, but they smelled wrong.”

“And I didn't,” Steve said. That was probably why Bucky hadn't killed him on the bridge and the helicarrier. There were the Winter Soldier's orders and then there was the wolf's instinct and Steve had always been pack to Bucky and the wolf.

“No, you didn't,” Lupescu replied.

“Maybe because Bucky is your father and I have always been pack to Bucky. Even before he was a werewolf,” Steve said.

Lupescu nodded. “Are you coming to the exhibit or should I ask Miss Hartwich?”

“I will go with you.” Of course Steve’s been already a few times to be honest, but not since he found out that Bucky was still alive.

“And you will tell me about father?”

“I will tell you about my friend Bucky,” Steve replied.

Lupescu nodded.

~+~  
When Steve entered the kitchen two days later, Lupescu was sitting at the table, he was wearing clothes, his hair was combed and he was looking at print-outs, while eating breakfast.  
It was so strange that Steve just stared for a few moments.

“What?” Lupescu asked in a snappish tone. Just like a real boy, Steve thought.

“Nothing,” Steve replied.

“Right. I know I can’t go to the museum naked. We have to stay undercover,” Lupescu said.

“We don’t have to-“

“Yes, we do. You are Captain America and people will swarm you. I don’t want to deal with that,” Lupescu interrupted.

“What’s with the print-outs?”

“Intel,” Lupescu said.

“Okay ,” Steve replied, dragging out the vowels.

“I planned the trip out, so we will get the maximum out of it,” Lupescu said.

Steve nodded. “I though maybe we’d also go out and get some ice-cream.”

“We can get ice-cream here. Sam buys it,” Lupescu replied.

“But it’s different when you don’t eat it at home. This is a big deal anyway for you, I mean going out, putting on clothes,” Steve said, gently.

“I’ve been trying on clothes for weeks, was getting used to them,” Lupescu said.

“Where did you even get them?” Steve asked, and it should have been his first question maybe, but now that he asked it, he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“Tony,” Lupescu replied.

“Of course,” Steve said.

Lupes cu looked at him. “We can get ice-cream after the museum.” It sounded like he was doing Steve a favor. No wonder he and Tony were best pals, Steve thought.

“That would be nice.”

“Okay, eat, put on a disguise and let’s go. I want to see father’s things.”

~+~  
Visiting the Captain America exhibit used to depress the hell out of Steve at first. With every fond memory there was the realization that he was the only one left who knew what the people in the videos and photos were laughing about.

“I think I have his nose,” Lupescu said into Steve’s thoughts.

“You do, and his mouth,” Steve replied.

“What color are his eyes?” The boy was staring at the (iconic by now, Steve thought) blown up picture of Bucky.

“Blue, his eyes are blue,” Steve said.

Lupescu frowned. “Mine aren’t.”

“Maybe you have your mother’s eyes,” Steve said.

They never talked about Lupescu's mother. Steve had tried to find out more about the boy’s birth, but had no luck. Not a word about the woman who gave birth to him either.

“Maybe,” the boy allowed. “She's probably dead, isn't she?”

Steve didn't want to answer that question, not at all. “I think so, yes.”

Lupescu nodded, his eyes were tracking Bucky's features. “He's handsome.”

“Yes, he is, always was. The dames loved him.”

Lupescu stared at the picture for another ten minutes, like he was committing it to memory, maybe he was, god knew Steve had done the same thing often enough. Then he grabbed Steve's hand, which surprised the hell out of Steve. He wrapped his fingers around the boy's and squeezed lightly.

“We can get that ice-cream now,” Lupescu said.

“Yes, good idea,” Steve managed and let Lupescu drag him out of the museum.

 _Somewhere else:_  
Bucky knew it was risky, but he had to see it. He had been stalling of course, had been looking for himself anywhere but here. But here...this wasn't really him. This blown out of proportions photo of him, this person that he wasn't anymore. Maybe never had been. Oh, there were certainly parts that were true. His friendship with Steve, yes, that was true. And the Howling Commandos, but there were only three people alive who knew why they were called the Howling Commandos in the first place.  
Bucky stared at himself and didn't recognize the person in front of him, but that wasn't anything new.  
There was so little left of him after all.  
The only way up was to build himself anew. Without lies this time around. If possible. He was taking all these pieces of himself, pieces he had and pieces others held of him, and putting them together again. He was well aware that the new James 'Bucky' Barnes would be someone else, someone new.  
But hopefully it would be someone Bucky would be able to live with.

 _~+~_  
There was the W olf, the Asset, the boy from Brooklyn and then there was also the Rage. Rage was like a living breathing thing inside him. On some days it was the only thing that told him he was alive and that he was himself and it scared him to be this person.  
While he was with HDYRA the rage had been suppressed like the wolf, pretty much everything had been suppressed. It wasn't that he hadn't been feeling a thing, he had, but it all seemed far away or just plain insignificant. Now everything seemed significant.  
When he felt the rage he knew he had to hit the road again. There were plenty of HYDRA bases left for him to destroy and people to question, people to deal with. People who deserved his rage. People who made him this way.  
Because the more he thought about it the surer he was that the rage only got as bad because it had been suppressed, because the wolf had been suppressed.  
And someone had to pay for it now.  
So Bucky hit the road when the rage wanted to be fed and found himself a nice HYDRA base to deal with.

__

~Three~  
_Now_  
Steve was tired and weary once he came back home. Lupescu was curled up on Steve's bed and it made Steve's heart ache. He still couldn't believe that their latest worldwide crisis was pretty much Tony's doing.

“How has he been?” he asked Sam, who had been looking after Lupescu while Steve was off. He would be gone more now, what with Bruce taking off, Tony taking time to find himself, and Clint taking a break to fix the dining room or porch or something.

“Glued to the TV and you know how much he hates the TV,” Sam answered.

“Yes, I know, so-”

“He was worried man,” Sam said. “You're the only family he has.”

“You are family to him too,” Steve argued.

“Maybe, but you are pack.”

Steve knew that, he didn't know why or how, because he was human, but he was very aware that both Lupescu and Bucky regarded him as pack.  
“So, how are things back at the Avengers HQ?” Sam asked.

“Complicated,” Steve replied. “Bruce is gone, Tony is gone and Clint is taking a break to be with his family. And I have a bunch of new Avengers who need training.”

“So...you're handing everything over to Natasha?”

“It would be a dick move and you know it. Besides she is good, awesome even, but she's a trained assassin, Sam. I think we need more than that.”

“So you want to train them?”

“Yes,” Steve replied.

“But you also want to stay at home and look after Lupescu and you want to look for Bucky.”

“Yes,” Steve admitted.

“You realize you are only one person?”

Steve smiled. “Yes.”

“Steve, I know you want him back, but he doesn't want to be found. And he is really fucking stealthy, okay? He is – he trained with you, and then was trained by HYDRA and he is a werewolf, Steve. We are outmatched. Right now he's a ghost.”

“I know,” Steve said. He hated it, he hated that Bucky thought he had to stay away, he hated that he couldn’t reach Bucky, he hated that Lupescu was growing up without Bucky. But he couldn’t do a goddamned thing about Bucky right now, because Sam was right, Bucky didn't want to be found.

“Go to bed Steve,” Sam said.

“You didn't have to wait up for me,” Steve replied, suddenly feeling guilty for making Sam stay and listen to his problems in the middle of the night.

“I know I didn't have to, Steve,” Sam said. “Go on now, shower and bed.”

“Thanks Sam.”

“Anytime,” Sam replied.

~+~  
“Did you ever ask father about turning you?” Lupescu asked one day. Steve was trying to have normal office hours and be at home on the weekends like a good parent. They always had breakfast together now on Saturdays. Sam always joined them for lunch on Sundays and Tony always called Lupescu on Wednesdays. They were having a normal life, settling into it as best they could. Lupescu still wasn't crazy about clothes or too many people in one room, but he ventured out now and then and he really enjoyed learning things. Miss Hartwich was very proud of him, Steve knew.  
Bucky was still on his mind, but more pressing day to day matters were shoving him aside.

“No,” Steve said.

“Why not?”

“It never crossed my mind, to be honest,” Steve replied. “And I already have been changed.”

“With the serum, yes,” Lupescu said. He frowned at his breakfast.

“What is it?”

“If you were mated you could find him.”

“Mated?”

“Yes,” Lupescu said. “Like married?”

“Oh,” Steve replied. “We weren't, I mean me and Bucky, we weren't together like that.”

Lupescu looked at him. “But you love him very much.”

Such simple words, Steve thought. It was more honest than his 'he is my friend'. He did love Bucky very much. Lupescu's words made his heart hurt.  
“You were pack to him, even if you aren't a wolf, you were pack to him, you are pack to him.”

“Yes I know-”

“But you don't understand,” Lupescu cut in frustrated. “You are pack because he loves you very much too!”

“As a friend, or a brother,” Steve said, gently.

Lupescu huffed. “No.”

“No?”

“No, not as a brother or a friend,” Lupescu clarified.

“I don't think-”

“It's okay,” Lupescu cut in. “I know you don't understand, but it doesn't change the fact that father loves you too.”

Could it be really that simple, Steve wondered? Was that the answer to why Bucky had not killed him, instead of only pack instinct like Steve had assumed?  
“There are different kinds of love,” Steve tried.

“I know,” Lupescu said. “But I've been thinking and watching and I'm sure for father at least it's the wanting to be mated kind of love.”

“But he's gone,” Steve said.

“Because he needs to get it out of his system first.”

“What? The Mission? Destroying HYDRA?”

“The Rage,” Lupescu whispered.

Steve could hear the capitals in that. “The Rage.”

Lupescu looked away from Steve, turned to the window and was staring outside. “It's like a living breathing thing inside you.”

“Were you feeling it when we found you?”

“Yes,” Lupescu answered. “You made it better, I didn't understand why at first, because pack always smelled wrong to me. You made it better, but it was still there and I couldn't trust it, or you, or my instinct. And I think, it's the same for father, but worse.”

“Because he had been in their hands a lot longer than you.”

“Yes, and because he couldn't remember, because they suppressed his wolf.”

“How do you know that?” Steve asked.

Lupescu shrugged. “They tried that with me too. Suppressing the wolf, because the wolf knew they weren't pack and were wrong. It didn't really work. But with enough time it probably would have.”

That was a really scary thought, Steve thought. “Were you the only one?”

“I think so, I could never smell anyone else who was like me, or felt like pack until you showed up.” He looked at Steve then. “You weren't afraid of me.”

“I was, but I hoped that you wouldn't tear me apart because you reminded me of Bucky.”

Lupescu nodded. “I was a monster when you first saw me and still you found the human part in me that looked like father, what does that tell you?”

Steve smiled wryly. “That I love your father very much and that I have been blind for years.”

“Not anymore.”

“No,” Steve confirmed, “Not anymore.”

“He will come back, Steve,” Lupescu assured him and the funny thing was Steve believed him.

~+~  
“Something on your mind?” Natasha asked. They just finished training and Steve was heading for the showers when she asked. He didn't think he had been off his game, but Natasha had a keen eye for such things, so maybe he had been. There was a lot on his mind since his conversation with Lupescu.

Steve shrugged. “The usual.”

“Bucky.”

“Yes.”

“Steve, you have to stop. He doesn't want to be found.”

“It's not that,” Steve said, running a hand through his sweat damp hair.

“What is it then?”

“Personal,” Steve answered.

She gave him a look, but let it go. “How is the kid?”

“Lupescu is doing well. He ventures out and wears clothes. His teacher is very happy with him.”

“Ever thought about arranging playdates with other kids?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should. Can't be good for him to be only around adults,” Natasha said. “Maybe you should call Clint.”

His first impulse was to ask her if she was joking, but on second thought it wasn't a bad idea. Clint was living on a farm far away from any other human beings. He knew about all kinds of weird shit. Steve was pretty sure that Lupescu was stable enough now so he wouldn’t hurt anyone by accident.

“He is a good father,” Steve said.

“You are doing alright too, Steve.”

“I have help. Sam and Tony and Miss Hartwich,” Steve replied. “Come to think of it, why didn't you stop by to see him? You've been here since we finished Ultron.”

She shrugged. “I was busy.”

Probably with trying to find Bruce, Steve thought, but Bruce, like Bucky, didn't want to be found. “Yeah,” he said.

“Besides, you told me he didn't like having many people around.”

“He's better now. You should come over and meet him.”

“Maybe I will.”

There was nothing more Steve could do about it, so he let it go. He headed for the shower.

 _Somewhere else:_  
He had been to the Czech Republic before. Right after he had fished Steve out of the water. Right after Washington, right after the Helicarriers. He had been to the Czech Republic before but back then he had been looking for himself, his past. Now he was looking for something else. Someone else.  
There was nothing to be found on site. The facility had been burned to the ground. He retraced Steve's and Wilson's steps. He knew that they had been here. And the wolf knew that they had found something.  
Bucky had kept one eye on Steve and Wilson, even when he had been pursuing his own goals, hunting his own ghosts.  
Sometimes he wondered if Steve was his ghost or if he was Steve's.  
In the metaphoric (because by now there wasn't even ash left) ash he could feel Steve's anger. It made him smile.  
Steve and Wilson must have found something to make Steve so angry that he would burn the whole thing down rather than hand it over to the authorities.  
And Bucky was hoping that that something was a someone.  
His shady contacts hadn't come up with much, but they didn't know what Bucky was looking for. There had been that one article, in a gossip rag, Bucky was recalling now. He had dismissed it back then, but maybe he should rethink that. It had been about Captain America adopting a child.  
If the child was like Bucky, if he was HYDRA made, then Steve would want to have it all under wraps and with the help of his powerful friends he could keep it that way.  
It just meant that Bucky had to dig a bit deeper.  
It also meant he would have to make his way hom- back to the States.  
He wasn't ready to face Steve yet, but the wolf was urging him to find that kid. If the files he had come across told the truth the kid was flesh from his flesh so to speak. Bucky couldn’t remember any of the process, but he reasoned it had been a very clinical thing. There was nothing to go on to find out who the mother had been. The only thing he found in the file was a handwritten note: Subject 126754F deceased. It had made him angry to see it, to have someone refer to the mother of his child as a thing. But then he had been nothing more than a favorite, especially dangerous, weapon himself.  
He couldn’t do anything for that dead woman. But he could do something for that kid.

~+~  
It didn't take much, really, to find out where Steve and the kid were staying. The kid's scent was everywhere in the city. Bucky would inhale and catch his scent on the wind. He was pretty sure that the kid could smell him too, knew that Bucky was in New York. Maybe he even knew that it was Bucky...he was reasonably sure that by now Steve had told the boy about his friend the werewolf. The thought made him smile.


	3. Chapter 3

~One~  
_Now:_  
“Lupescu!” Steve said scandalized.

The boy looked over his shoulder at Steve, but didn't stop what he was doing. Which was pissing against a wall. Steve was torn between pulling him away and not doing anything because Lupescu would be done soon and they were, thank god, alone right now on the street.

“It's fine, Steve,” Lupescu said, zipping himself up. He put his hands into the pockets of his hoody and looked at Steve.

“No, it's not...we don't just relieve ourselves on the streets,” Steve said, which was bullshit and he knew it. A lot of guys did it and not only the homeless.

Lupescu rolled his eyes, but did not call Steve out on it. “It's not that,” he said, biting his lip, he looked up at the sky as they walked home.

“What is it then?” Steve wanted to know. He got that sometimes the wolf was stronger in Lupescu's mind than the boy. And he really tried to do the right thing, even if he didn't know what the right thing was. After all this time he still wished for Bucky to be here and just explain.

“It's so father knows,” Lupescu answered.

“Knows what?” Steve asked. His heart was beating faster.

Lupescu gave him a look. “You know.”

“Are you leaving him messages?” Steve asked, only mildly disturbed by the way how. “Does he do that too?”

Lupescu grinned. “No, but I can smell him in the city sometimes.”

“Oh,” Steve said and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Are you okay, Steve?” He was looking at Steve and his eyes were shining like a wolf's in the darkness of the city streets.

“No,” Steve said. “He is here?”

“Yes,” Lupescu replied. He cocked his head.

“How long?”

“A few weeks I think,” Lupescu answered.

Steve balled his hands to fists at his sides, could feel his nails biting into his skin. “And you didn't tell me.”

“I...he is coming back to you,” Lupescu said. “You can't force it.”

Steve exhaled, but he still felt like punching something. It had been so long since that day on the Helicarrier.  
He realized in that moment, standing there with his adopted son in the middle of the night, because that was his routine now, that he had grown used to this life.

“Aren't you happy that father is coming back?” Lupescu asked, coming closer, so close in fact Steve could feel his body heat.

“I – I don't know,” Steve answered, because he tried to not lie to his son.

Lupescu nodded. “Want to get ice-cream at the bodega?”

What Steve wanted was to get hopelessly drunk, but he would probably have to drink a liquor store empty to achieve that.  
Steve wanted to tell him that ice-cream didn't solve all the problems, but neither did alcohol. Steve nodded instead.  
Lupescu grabbed his hand and pulled Steve away from the alley and onto a bigger street. They were going home.

~+~  
“Can't other wolves find you like that?” Steve asked the next day at breakfast. It was a Saturday and Steve made French toast.

“There are no other wolves,” Lupescu answered.

“At all, or in the city?” Steve wanted to know.

Lupescu put crispy bacon on his French toast and took a bite. Steve waited him out. “In the city, but I never came across another who is like me.”

“Except for Bucky,” Steve said.

“I haven't met father yet,” Lupescu replied.

Steve forgot, Bucky was such a big part of his life, of their lives that he just forgot that all Lupescu had were photos, videos and what Steve had told him about Bucky.  
“No, you haven't, but you smelled him and you – why didn't you chase him? Why don't you go after him?” Steve asked.  
He was curious about it. Lupescu would want to meet Bucky, wouldn’t he? He was curious about Bucky, he had read everything there was about James Buchanan Barnes and then about the Winter Soldier as well and he had asked endless questions about Bucky. Steve's Bucky.

“I wanted to,” Lupescu admitted. “But then I was thinking if I were in his place, would I want that? The answer is no.” He looked up at Steve. “He knows about me. I think it's partly why he came back.”

Steve nodded. That second time in the Czech Republic, when Sam came back defeated, that is when Bucky had figured it out, Steve was pretty sure.  
“He's looking for his pack,” Lupescu said quietly.

“You know when he comes back it won't be magically happily ever after, right?”

“But you love father.” It wasn't even a question.

“Yes, I do.”

“Then it will be fine,” Lupescu said.

Steve really hoped so.

~+~  
Steve was torturing himself and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. Bucky was back. He was in the city. Steve was pretty sure that Bucky knew where Steve was living with Lupescu. It was true that Tony had made it very difficult for people to find out anything about Steve and his son, but Bucky had other ways to find them.  
Was he standing on a rooftop and watching Steve and Lupescu through a scoop of a rifle ? Steve was sure that Bucky wouldn't hurt them, but the idea of Bucky being so close and not coming home was maddening.  
He sighed, got out of bed and opened the window. He couldn't see anyone, but then his night vision wasn't any near as good as Bucky's had been before and god only knew what HYDRA had done to him since then.  
He had been imagining the reunion a million times. Fervently in the first few months after the Helicarrier and then less and less as the months dragged on. As Bucky seemed to evade them time after time, the image of the reunion changed too.  
Now it was again at the forefront of Steve’s mind. How would Bucky look now? Did he know about his other side?  
Was he still feeling for Steve what he must have felt all those years ago? Would he stay this time? Or would he just claim Lupescu as his own and disappear into the night?  
“You’re up early,” Lupescu said from the door. Steve turned slightly to be able to look at his son. He was wearing boxer shorts and nothing else. His bare feet looked pale and delicate in the pale early morning light.

“Can’t sleep.”

“Because you know that father is in the city now,” Lupescu said.

“Yes,” Steve replied. “I wonder, what is he waiting for?”

“I don’t know,” Lupescu answered, coming to stand at the window by Steve’s side. He leaned a bit into Steve and Steve put his arm around him. “I don’t know.” He repeated.

“I wish he would just knock on our door and we could go from there,” Steve sighed.

“He will come,” Lupescu said.

Steve knew that.

_Here:_  
There was really nothing holding Bucky back except for his own uncertainty. He watched Steve with the boy and felt a longing to be with them, but didn’t know how to cross that bridge.  
The little wolf left him messages, in a crude animalistic way, but it worked. His wolf knew the boy was pack, was his blood and it wanted to curl up with his pack.  
Bucky wondered if he should disturb the life Steve had built for himself now.  
What did he really have to offer Steve? He was messed up. He was still unable to shift. The thought alone made him sick and break out in a sweat. His head was pounding and he had to sit down, breathe deeply and concentrate on breathing only.  
It was most likely still the conditioning he had been going through, over and over and over again.  
There was also the matter of the arm. He didn’t know enough about it to get it off. Besides he needed it to survive in the city. On his hunts.  
He would be crippled once more when he turned. A crippled wolf. The thought alone made him shiver.

~+~  
The boy heard him and turned. His pale hair was shining in the sunlight, his pale skin looked soft and smooth and his throat was an invitation to the wolf. In reality Bucky knew Steve’s skin had never been that smooth when they were kids. There were always scrapes and bruises and cuts on him from all the fights he was insisting to get into. But this was Steve nevertheless. Teenage Steve, scrawny and beautiful and – that moment of realization one hot summer day in Brooklyn that Steve was beautiful. This was the moment.  
The wolf stopped at the edge of the clearing where Steve was lying naked, looking at him. Directly in his inhuman eyes.  
And he smiled.

Bucky woke up, panting and hard. His hand slid over his stomach to his cock without him really thinking about it. It was a need and it had to be satisfied now.  
Once his come was cooling on his stomach he blinked at the ceiling. He had always known of course, even when he didn’t remember his own name, that he loved Steve.  
He was in love with Steve. And to his own surprised delight the wolf was in love with Steve too.

~+~  
He combed his hair, put on clean clothes, but didn’t cover the metal hand with a glove . Steve had a routine on Fridays. He went out to go grocery shopping after he was done at Avengers HQ. After that he went to a small coffee shop to grab a muffin or a piece of pie and a coffee.  
Bucky figured a public space would be best for it.  
He only hesitated for a second before he opened the door to the coffee shop. Steve didn’t even look up. He felt safe here, secure in his habits.  
Bucky made straight for Steve’s table in the corner. Steve looked up. His eyes widened for a second. He blinked. His eyelashes fluttering in slow motion in front of Bucky’s eyes.

His lips parted. “Bucky.” It was the tone and the impossibly tender look Steve gave him that made Bucky’s knees a bit weak. It sounded like Steve was coming home, which was so backwards, Bucky thought, Steve hadn’t been the one away. They looked at each other what seemed to Bucky like a million years. “You want to sit down?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded, didn’t trust his voice. He sat and looked at Steve. He could smell Steve: soap and shampoo and human.  
The waitress appeared out of nowhere and asked about his order. Bucky said coffee, black, so she would go again. So he could be alone with Steve.

“I was wondering,” Steve said, “If you would come and knock on my door. You know where I live.”

It wasn’t a question at all. “I know where you live.”

Steve nodded. “And you know about Lupescu.”

“Yes,” Bucky smiled, wryly. “He left messages all over the city.”

“I couldn’t stop him from doing it. To be honest, Bucky,” Steve said and it came so easily over Steve’s lips, his name. It was like no time had passed at all for Steve. “I don’t know enough to be a good father for him. He needs someone like himself.” Steve looked in his eyes then. “He needs you.”

“What I saw, Steve,” Bucky replied, “You and Wilson did a great job raising him so far.”

“Ah,” Steve smiled. “We haven’t even entered the land of puberty yet.”

Bucky laughed, it felt good and foreign at the same time. The waitress chose that moment to appear with Bucky’s coffee.

“Are you going to stay?” Steve asked, once she was gone again. “We could put down the couch cushions again like when we were kids-“

“Steve-“ The word caught at the back of his throat. He swallowed hard.

“And I wouldn’t even make you take out the trash and shine my shoes,” Steve continued.

“You clearly are the better person,” Bucky replied.

Steve’s fingers twitched on the table like he wanted to reach out and Bucky said fuck it mentally and did it instead. He covered Steve’s hand with his own, squeezed once and let go.  
“You should come by and meet your son,” Steve said.

“He has school now,” Bucky replied.

“Next Saturday then? For dinner?” Steve asked and he looked so damn hopeful Bucky thought.

“Yes,” he answered.

“He’ll have a lot of questions,” Steve warned.

“Don’t you?” Bucky asked.

Steve nodded. “They can wait.”

 

~Two~  
_Now:_  
“You met father,” Lupescu stated as soon as Steve stepped into the apartment. Miss Hartwich was packing up her materials, but looked at Steve upon Lupescu’s words.  
Steve first impulse was to ask how Lupescu knew, but of course he smelled Bucky on Steve. They had hugged outside the coffee shop. Bucky’s scent must have been all over Steve by now. The thought made warmth spread through his body.

“I did.”

“How did he look? Is he staying, will he come over? Does he want-“ he stopped, bit his lip. “Does he want to see me?” He finished in a rush.

Steve smiled. “He looked good. I don’t know if he is staying, but I certainly hope so and yes, he wants to meet you.”

“When?” Lupescu demanded. “Why did he meet up with you alone?”

“Saturday for dinner. I don’t know, you’ll have to ask him yourself.”

Lupescu nodded. “I will.”

Once that was settled Steve turned to Lupescu’s teacher. “I’m sorry, I am a bit late.”

“It’s no problem, Mister Rogers,” she said. “I’m glad you and your- partner had a chance to catch up.”

The partner gave Steve a thrill, it ran down his spine in a delicious shiver. He and Bucky could be that. Had always been in one way or another.  
“Thank you.”

“See you on Monday, Lupescu ,” she said with a smile. “Mister Rogers.”  
Steve escorted her the short way to the door.

“Tell me everything!” Lupescu demanded. He was crowding Steve against the door, sniffing at his clothes and his skin. It was funny and a little bit intimidating. “He smells right.”

“Does he?” Steve asked. “How?”

The boy cocked his head. “Healthy.”

“He looked healthy,” Steve confirmed.

Lupescu stepped back. “Was he like you remembered him?”

It was, if Lupescu knew it or not, a very loaded question. Was Bucky like the boy Steve remembered, before the war? Yes and no. Was he like the man Steve rescued from that table in Zola’s lab? Yes and no. Was he the Winter Soldier? Yes and no.  
Was he Steve’s Bucky?

“I don’t know,” Steve replied.

Lupescu frowned. “You’ll have to find out then.”

“I guess I will,” Steve said. “Now what did you learn today?”

Lupescu rolled his eyes like the question was boring him, but Steve knew he liked to tell Steve all about the new things he learned while Steve was gone.

~+~  
The week crawled by for Steve. Natasha would have noticed that he was a bit off, but she was on a mission in Europe.

“So,” Sam said. “Spit it out.”

Steve sighed. Natasha wasn’t the only one who was Steve’s friend and knew him well. He didn’t know why he hadn’t told anyone except Lupescu about Bucky. Maybe because he didn’t want to jinx it.

“It’s Bucky,” Steve said.

Sam raised an eyebrow, because, yes it was always Bucky, wasn’t it? “I swear to god Steve-“

“He made contact,” Steve rushed to say. Once the first few words were out it was easy to tell Sam about it.

“So, he’s back and he intends to stay?” Sam asked.

Steve shrugged. “I guess? I hope so. Lupescu would like that. Bucky is like him after all.”

“Lupescu would like that? Hmm? I remember you saying, and I quote: Even when I had nothing I had Bucky. He's as much a part of you as your limbs, man.”

It was true enough, Steve had to admit. “Fine, I would like him to stay.”

“I’m sure he will,” Sam said.

“Why?”

“You already built him a home, Steve,” Sam replied.

~+~  
“You’re nervous,” Lupescu said, as he helped Steve cut vegetables on Saturday.

“I guess I am.”

“Why? It’s only father,” Lupescu replied.

“Aren’t you nervous to meet him?” Steve asked.

The boy shrugged. “He’s pack.”

Which, Steve thought, wasn’t a real answer for anyone who wasn’t a werewolf.  
He was spared from replying to that by a knock on the door. His eyes strayed to the kitchen clock. “He’s early,” Lupescu commented.

“Go open the door,” Steve said.

The boy nodded. Steve dried his hands on a towel and took a deep breath. It was stupid to feel nervous now. Bucky obviously wanted to be a part of Steve’s life again, of their lives.

“Father,” Lupescu said.

“Lupescu,” Bucky replied.

“Steve is in the kitchen, making dinner,” Lupescu said. “You are early.”

“Can I still come in, or are you going to make me wait another twenty minutes out here?”

“Come in, Buck,” Steve said from the kitchen. He couldn’t help himself, he had to smile.

“Thank you,” Bucky said and then he was there in the kitchen, looking at Steve. He looked harder around the edges, but so was Steve. “Smells good.”

“It’s Cajun chicken pasta,” Steve said. And just looked at Bucky, took him in. He was sure Bucky was doing the same with the addition of smell.

“Are you going to stare at each other the whole time?” Lupescu asked. There was a note of impatience in his voice.

Steve smiled. “No, not the whole time. You can take Bucky to the living room and ask all of your so carefully prepared questions. Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.”

“Do you mind?” Lupescu asked Bucky.

“No,” Bucky replied and let the boy led him into the living room. This could be his life, with Lupescu and Bucky, Steve realized. He smiled throughout the whole time he prepared dinner.

~+~  
“Were you running once you got away?” Lupescu asked during dessert.

“No,” Bucky replied.

Lupescu looked at the metal arm. “Do you think you can’t anymore?”

Steve wasn’t sure if he should stop this line of questioning or not. He wanted to know these things too. Wanted to know how much wolf Bucky still was, because Bucky had loved to shift, had loved the freedom being a wolf gave him. If HYDRA had taken this too…

“I don’t know,” Bucky answered.

“You haven’t even tried?”

“It’s not like I know how I can even get rid of the arm, because I’m pretty sure I can’t change it into a paw,” Bucky said.

Lupescu’s eyes lit up. “Tony. Tony will know what to do!”

“Stark,” Bucky said.

“Tony is my friend,” Lupescu replied, like it settled the matter. “I will call him later. He doesn’t sleep much. At night.”

“You always liked Stark, it’s no surprise really that your son does too,” Bucky said.

“To be fair, me and Tony didn’t get along very well in the beginning.”

“You should tell me all about that, soon,” Bucky said.

And it was easy, Steve thought, to be with Bucky. Bucky was still his friend.

~+~  
Slipping into being friends with Bucky, that was easy, but there was also that something more that Steve was aware of now. Lupescu’s words that Bucky wanted to be his mate. It didn’t make being together with Bucky awkward, but it made Steve more aware of certain things.

“How much do you remember from before?” Steve asked on a Friday after his grocery shopping. They were in the small coffee shop Steve so liked.

“A lot, not enough,” Bucky said. “I know a lot because there were files on pretty much everything. I know more than I thought I wanted to.”

“What about the wolf?”

Bucky smiled. “I remember. I remember the first time I told you.”

“Showed me,” Steve corrected.

“Yes, you admired my ass and wanted to pet me,” Bucky grinned.

Steve could feel himself blush. “You make it sound indecent.” He looked at Bucky, who was still grinning. “And I didn’t admire your ass. I think you have that part confused.”

“I think you have that part confused,” Bucky teased. “And who can blame you, really? It is a great ass.”

“Bucky.”

“I enjoyed the petting,” Bucky admitted quietly. “It felt good.”

“I’m sure Tony will figure the arm out,” Steve said.

Bucky nodded.

_Here:_  
“I’ve never met a werewolf with a metal arm before,” Stark said as Bucky entered the workshop . Bucky cocked his head. “I know what you’re thinking. How can it be that he met a werewolf at all? Well, Cap is good for a surprise, isn’t he?” Stark continued.

“He is,” Bucky replied.

“You left a lot of people shaken in the wake of your playdate with Steve,” Stark said.

“I don’t do that anymore,” Bucky replied.

“I sure hope not,” Stark said, waving his hand at a stool. Bucky was pretty sure it meant he wanted Bucky to sit down. “Lupescu said you want to take it off?”

“For starters,” Bucky replied.

“I’ll have to run a lot of tests, maybe consult with a doctor. I am basically only a mechanic. A very, very, very smart mechanic-”

“You built a killer robot that wanted to destroy humanity,” Bucky pointed out.

Stark made a face. “That was not what I intended.”

“I sure hope not,” Bucky said.

Stark smiled. “The arm,” he said. “You want to be able to take it off so you can shift and run with all your other furry friends in the forest.”

Bucky nodded, smiling despite himself. He hadn’t liked Howard Stark that much, even if they were on friendly terms, mostly because Howard had been so into Steve and though the rest of them were idiots, except for Carter. He could see now why Lupescu liked Tony Stark, could even see why Steve called him a friend now.

“That is basically it, yes,” Bucky replied.

“I love a challenge and I love the fact that Captain America will owe me for this.”

“I’m shocked, I thought you did this out of the goodness of your heart,” Bucky said.

Tony Stark looked at him as if he saw him for the first time. “You’re a little shit, Barnes, aren’t you?”

Bucky smiled sweetly.

~+~  
“It looks the same,” Lupescu said, reaching out and poking the arm for good measure.

“It feels different now, lighter,” Bucky replied, because that was the whole of it, it looked the same, that was true. Stark had wanted to make it fancy, but Bucky had refused. He got used to the design. It was part of him. That didn’t mean it couldn’t be improved, but he didn’t want it to be flashy.

“And you can take it off?” Lupescu asked.

“Yes,” Bucky answered. He had done it with Stark’s help the first few times. He had been barely able to look at the mess that was his shoulder. He didn’t want anyone else to see it. Not yet anyway. Maybe with time he could show Steve and Lupescu.

“I knew Tony could do it. He is good like that,” Lupescu said. “You can run now with me. I always wondered how it would be to have a pack to run with.”

Bucky had wondered that too. “Steve never ran with you?”

Lupescu shook his head. “No.”

“He would have probably been able to keep up,” Bucky said.

“We never…I didn’t think of it. He isn’t like me. Like us.”

“But he is still pack,” Bucky said.

“Yes,” Lupescu answered. “You bit him.”

Bucky nodded. The memory made heat pool in his stomach. It had been pure instinct to bite Steve, to mark him as his own. He had claimed Steve and he had never told Steve why or what it meant. “I did.”

“Because you want him to be your mate,” Lupescu said.

“Aren’t you a bit young for this ?” Bucky asked. He was glad he and the boy were alone right now because Steve was away on Avengers business for a few days. It had been strange to live in Steve’s apartment at first, especially as Steve wasn’t here, but both he and Lupescu settled into it surprisingly quickly. Steve’s apartment felt already more like a home to him than his own place.

“Isn’t it normal to want two parents?” Lupescu answered.

“It is,” Bucky said. “But you can’t just will it to happen.”

Lupescu sighed. “Steve loves you very much.”

“I know.”

“Then you should live here with us all the time,” the boy said.

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is,” Lupescu replied. “I like when you’re here. Steve likes when you’re here. And,” he added, “it will save money.”

Bucky laughed. “Yes, it would.”

“See?”

“I do,” Bucky replied, scooping the boy up and hugging him carefully to his chest. They were both a bit messed up when it came to such simple affections, but they were working on it and Bucky coul d tell that Lupescu liked being hugged.

“We’ll talk to Steve once he’s back from his mission,” Lupescu said.

“We will.”

~+~  
It had been a cold night for spring. They had just destroyed another of the Red Skull’s arms factories and Bucky had been itching to get out of his clothes and to run. It happened sometimes and the Howling Commandos didn’t bat an eyelash anymore.  
Steve had been hovering at the edge of the forest where Bucky had been running and when Bucky came back and saw him there, he had to do it. The urge had been unshakable. He ran at full speed, pounced at Steve, pinned him to the soft cold forest floor, he had torn at the uniform and bared Steve’s skin and then sank his teeth in deep, drawing blood. Steve had gone utterly still under him and Bucky went boneless once he was sure the mark would stay there for everyone to see.  
“Bucky,” Steve had said and Bucky could smell his blood and hear his heart and his own was beating so very fast.

“Bucky,” Steve said and Bucky blinked the sleep out of his eyes.

“You’re back,” Bucky said.

Steve was freshly showered, his hair curling at the base of his neck and the bite-mark just peeking out from under his tight t-shirt.  
Steve smiled. “A fine werewolf you are, just leaving my home defenseless.” He teased.

“It’s not that, anyone else I would have by the neck by now, Steve. It’s you, you feel safe. I know your steps, the wolf knows your scent and the sound of your heartbeat.”

Steve’s face did this dangerous thing, where it goes all soft, and Bucky swallowed hard. The only thing he wanted to do was to pull Steve on top of him and breathe in his scent and maybe get up close and personal with Steve’s skin.

“Come to bed Buck,” Steve said, before Bucky could get back on track and ask Steve about the mission. He had half a mind to protest, but the couch really wasn’t that great to sleep on and Steve knew it. He was holding out his hand to Bucky and Bucky let Steve pull him up and followed him into the bedroom.

~+~  
Bucky woke up to pale sunlight and to Steve watching him.

“That’s creepy, you realize that, right?” Bucky asked, but he couldn’t help the smile curving his lips more than Steve could help it, it seemed.

“You used to watch me sleep all the time,” Steve answered.

“Yes, because I had to make sure you were still breathing Steve,” Bucky said. “What’s your excuse?”

“I don’t have one,” Steve replied. He shifted a bit closer and his t-shirt was pulled tight, exposing the scar from Bucky’s bite. Bucky reached out without really thinking about it. His fingertips connected with it gently. Steve sucked in a harsh breath. “It’s the only thing that left a lasting mark after I took the serum, you know? Everything else would fade with time, but this didn’t.”

“You had to lie about it,” Bucky said.

“I had to lie about a lot of things back then, Buck,” Steve replied. “It was a good thing you left me with it, because I think it was what made Lupescu feel at ease the first time we met.”

Bucky laughed. “Sounds nice enough when you tell it like that, but he told me about it. He was ready to kill anyone who came through that door Steve.”

“He knew me, because you know me,” Steve replied, simply. “Because you claimed me as pack. That is what it means, is it not?”

“I claimed you as mine,” Bucky said. He withdrew his hand, but Steve grabbed it and held it between them.

“Rightfully so, I’d say,” Steve said and then he pressed his lips to Bucky’s knuckles.

“Steve-“

“You think I’m moving too fast?” Steve asked. Bucky recognized a challenge when he saw one.

He grabbed Steve by the neck and pulled him in. “No,” he said and then he kissed Steve.  
It wasn’t a surprise at all that Steve kissed back.

 

~Three~  
_Now:_  
“You smell like father,” Lupescu said at breakfast the next morning. Steve kept his eyes on the morning paper. “Did you mate?” The boy continued.  
Steve could feel he blush rise over his neck and into his cheek s.  
Bucky was just pouring tea calmly like there was nothing noteworthy going on here. They hadn’t talked about the kiss, Steve wasn’t sure they should.

“Bucky slept in my bed because the couch isn’t that comfortable,” Steve answered eventually. What did mate even mean? Was it only regular sex? Not that Steve had any kind of gay sex before, but…he looked up the basics once Lupescu pointed out that he loved Bucky very much. And he realized that yes, he was attracted to Bucky that way too.

Lupescu frowned at his bacon. “Okay…I guess this is progress?”

Steve smiled, because he couldn’t help himself. Bucky’s son wanted them to be a family. Steve wanted them to be a family, the hot kiss Bucky gave him this morning meant he wanted to be a family too. At least Steve hope d that it meant exactly that.

“It’s progress alright, that Steve doesn’t make me sleep on the couch anymore,” Bucky said, sitting down at the table.

“When did I ever make you do anything?” Steve asked, putting his paper down.

“Ah, I can smell bacon and coffee,” Sam said from the door. He had a key of course, as he was looking after Lupescu quite often and as he had been living with Steve for a while until he moved to his own place.  
“And Barnes,” Sam said, entering the kitchen.

“He slept in Steve’s bed!” Lupescu informed him excitedly.

“I see,” Sam said. He gave Steve a look.

“You know how the couch is not fit for sleeping on it-“

“You never offered me your bed,” Sam teased.

“I have a guest room-“ Steve countered.

“I rest my case,” Sam said, he poured himself a coffee and took the last empty chair at the table.  
Steve had walked right into that one. But it had always been different with Bucky. There hadn’t been any boundaries, it hadn’t felt wrong or weird to share a bed with Bucky, because they always did it.  
During the war, it was Bucky at Steve’s back. In wolf form or human.

“Jealous?” Bucky asked, snagging the last piece of bacon away right from under Sam’s nose.

“I hate you, man, you know that, right?” Sam answered.

Bucky grinned.

~+~  
Steve was lying flat on his back, his breathing just a little bit too hard and Bucky sitting on his chest. And Steve’s mind supplied an image of this scenario in his bedroom, on his floor maybe, and with both of them naked.

“You know I can actually smell arousal, right?” Bucky asked, looking down at Steve. He had Steve pinned to the mat in the gym. They were mostly evenly matched, but Steve had been distracted by Bucky’s sheer speed, strength and fluid movements.

“No, I didn’t. Does Lupescu -“

Bucky gave him a look. “He’s like me, Steve.”

“Right,” Steve said. “Will it be weird?”

Bucky sat back, released Steve’s wrists from where he had them pinned. “I don’t think so. To the wolf it’s normal. The wolf doesn’t know shame, Steve.”

“And the wolf is part of you two,” Steve said.

“Yes.”

“That day you bit me,” Steve said carefully. He had been thinking about it for days, had been thinking back to that day, to Bucky’s weight on his body, to Bucky’s teeth in his flesh, how he hadn’t been afraid, as much as he had been surprised, a little bit shocked. “When you claimed me…was it because I was kinda…horny?”

Bucky smiled. “You didn’t even realize that you were, did you?”

“No, but I knew there was something more than just the high of the victory cruising through my veins and when I looked at you…I though t how beautiful you were.”

“You wanted me, which was unexpected, because I was a wolf at the time.”

Steve covered his face with his hands. “This sounds so messed up.”

“Nah, I knew it was because you didn’t see a difference between the wolf and me, because there isn’t one, Steve. I bit you because my feral side took over and because I had been in love with you for a long time and you seemed, in that moment, at least, willing to be mine.”

“I’m willing now too,” Steve said.

“Yeah, but even if my feral side doesn’t care, I do care about the cameras, Steve,” Bucky replied laughing. He got up before Steve could drag him down for a kiss and held his hand out to Steve to help him up. Steve took it.

~+~  
“Okay,” Steve said, “Talk.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared Bucky down. It had been the seventh time Bucky had pulled away when things became more heated between them. It had looked like bad timing at first, but Steve wasn’t stupid. He knew something was up. Something was holding Bucky back. They hadn’t made it past heavy make out sessions and a bit of frottage since that first kiss.

“I don’t-“ Bucky started, but then shut up after Steve gave him a long unimpressed look, that clearly had to convey Bucky wasn’t fooling him. “Fine, it’s about sex. You really want to talk about sex?”

“You know that Natasha asked me once if the kiss we shared was the first since 1945? I stopped being embarrassed about sex, Bucky. People talk about it now. It’s healthy for relationships.”

“You kissed Natasha?”

“She kissed me, we were undercover, don’t try to distract from the issue at hand.”

“Which is?”

“Fine, let’s spell it out then,” Steve said. “That you apparently don’t want to get naked with me. You know I want to get naked with you, Buck. You said it yourself, you can smell it on me, so I don’t understand that every time I think we’re on our way to having sex, you pull away. You know I’m not a virgin right?”

Bucky laughed. “I hoped not, but it wouldn’t have kept me from having sex with you.”

“What is it then?” Steve asked. “We don’t have to, if you’re not comfortable, but I would like to know why and what we can do.”

“I dreamed about you, before, and I dream about you now too. It’s not this you, it’s the sixteen year old boy from Brooklyn I dream about,” Bucky said. “You’re lying in a clearing in a forest and the sun shines down on you. Your skin seems to glow and I stalk you, I’m waiting at the edge of the clearing in the shadows and I watch you and then you turn around, expose your neck by accident and I charge, I run and I can feel the hunger and lust inside my veins and then I wake up.”

Steve blinked. “So…you think when we have sex, you’re going to rip my throat out?”

“Yes, no, maybe?” Bucky asked frustrated. “Sometimes I’m not sure I can trust myself. I haven’t shifted once since I rediscovered what I am. And when I’m with you I feel the need to shift, because sex is a very animalistic thing, Steve.” He looked at Steve. “And that’s when I remember the dream in which I want to fuck you and eat you at the same time.”

“Okay,” Steve said.

“Aren’t you glad you asked?” Bucky replied with a wry smile.

“In fact, yes I am. It was driving me nuts.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Do you really think you would harm me?”

“I don’t know. I did it before,” Bucky said.

“That wasn’t you. That was HYDRA. In fact it was the wolf part of you that made you stop,” Steve pointed out.

“I know, but I still did it,” Bucky replied.

“Besides,” Steve said, “I’m not that scrawny sixteen year old boy anymore. I can take care of myself.”

“What if there is something in my brain that makes me snap when I shift?”

Ah, Steve thought, they were getting closer to the real problem. “You’ll have to find out then,” Steve replied. And after Bucky gave him an unimpressed look he added: “In a safe and controlled environment.”

“Best you call someone for backup.”

“Sam-“

“The girl,” Bucky cut in, “Wanda.”

Steve nodded, if that was what would make Bucky feel safe, he would ask her.

_Here:_  
“I want to come,” Lupescu said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s too dangerous,” Bucky replied.

“You won’t hurt me, I’m pack. It’s dangerous to take the girl. She smells wrong,” Lupescu said, ignoring Wanda.

“Did he just say I smell?” Wanda asked Steve.

“He doesn’t mean it in a bad way,” Steve assured her.

“I don’t smell bad,” Wanda replied. Bucky thought she might be sulking. It was kinda cute.

“You might attack her just because she isn’t pack, you ever thought about that?” Lupescu asked.

Bucky shook his head. He had not. He remembered that he didn’t just attack people randomly. Only those who were a direct threat to his pack. He just didn’t trust himself.  
“Of course not,” Lupescu replied. He huffed and then relaxed. “If you’re afraid you could hurt me, you can’t. I can take you. Steve has seen me…before. I’m big, I’m strong, I have all my limbs.”

“In wolf form I’m bigger,” Bucky replied. “You’re just a cub.”

“I’m sure I can outrun you,” Lupescu argued.

“What did you mean Steve knows?” Bucky asked.

Lupescu looked at the floor.

“HYDRA taught him how to stay mid-change,” Steve answered.

Bucky blinked, his hands balling to fists. “They tried that with me too, I couldn’t do it.”

“Well,” Lupescu said. “I can. But I don’t want to.”

“I can just wait outside the parameter and if you’ll need me I’ll come running,” Wanda said.

“Sounds good,” Lupescu said.

Bucky still didn’t want him there when he shifted, but Lupescu’s logic was sound. Bucky was the one who was all over the place when it came to the change. To shifting, to his fears.

“And once you’re done, you’re going to buy me ice-cream,” Wanda added.

Steve laughed. “Deal. Bucky?” He asked, turning to look at Bucky.

There was so much faith in his eyes. It made Bucky’s chest hurt. He wasn’t sure he deserved it.  
“Yeah,” he answered. “Deal.”

Lupescu nodded, satisfied.

~+~  
“Should I turn around?” Steve asked, as they reached a clearing both Bucky and Lupescu were satisfied with. Wanda stayed at the edge of the forest with the car. Steve had bought her snacks and she said she would be reading on her kindle until they needed her. Bucky hoped they wouldn’t need her and her powers at all.

“You didn’t turn around the first time,” Bucky replied. “Why would you want to now that we hook up?”

Steve glanced over at Lupescu.

“Don’t mind me,” the boy said, as he was taking off his clothes.

Bucky laughed. “Our son won’t grow up repressed.”  
Steve looked at him.  
“What?” Bucky asked, as he was throwing his sock on the grass.

“You said, our son,” Steve answered.

Bucky blinked. “He is, isn’t he? My blood, but you raised him until now alone, Steve. Of course he is our son.”

“Of course,” Lupescu threw in. He was already sitting on the grass and stretching. “Come on now. Let’s run.”

“There’s one thing left, you might want to turn around for this one,” Bucky said, looking at the metal arm. Steve already saw the scarring around it, but it was a whole other thing to see the stump.

“Buck-“

“It’s not pretty,” Bucky warned.

“It’s fine, it’s part of you,” Steve replied.

“I’m not worried about me, you know, it’s you. And not like you think either. I don’t want you to look at it, the stump, and feel guilty. Because it is not your fault.”

Steve stepped into his personal space and it made heat pool in Bucky’s stomach. Steve ran his fingers over the metal arm, from his wrist, over his elbow and to the shoulder where it met flesh and then he pressed the hidden latches and hooks so the arm would come free.  
“There,” Steve whispered, nearly against Bucky’s lips. He caught the arm gently in his hands. “All done. Nothing to worry about at all.”

Bucky took a breath and stepped away from Steve. He was getting hard and didn’t know if that was a good thing right now or not. In any case he didn’t want his son to see them like this.  
“Right,” Bucky said. “Okay.”

“It’s easy,” Lupescu said. “Your body knows what it’s doing.”

Well, Bucky thought, if his body knows what it’s doing. He didn’t feel ready, and then Lupescu shifted and it looked so easy and graceful. He was a beautiful small wolf and he was looking at Bucky, waiting. Bucky reached out and stroked the wolf behind its ears. The wolf let him and then he bit him playfully. It made Bucky growl. He could feel the wolf wanting out. The wolf wanted to run and to play. Bucky took a deep breath and then he shifted.

~+~  
The world was different like this. It smelled different too, but familiar as well. When he tried to stand his balance was off. He fell flat on his ass. Steve looked amused and Bucky wanted to bite him, gently, not to hurt just so he knew this wasn’t funny.  
Lupescu was circling around him and nipping at his ears and tail. He growled again and Lupescu ran.  
Bucky tried to chase after him, but it took some time to find his balance. He was aware of Steve and it made him feel safe.  
Once he was exhausted he lay down on the soft forest floor and let the change come over him. He blinked. The sky was a lot darker now. He had lost the feeling for time as he sniffed and chased and played with Lupescu.

“There are twigs in your hair,” Steve said gently as he sat down next to Bucky.

“There always were after a good romp in the woods.” He turned his head slightly so he could look at Steve. “Less than graceful this time, but still a lot of fun.”

Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair and picked out the twigs and a small leaf. “And you’re fine.”

“I am. No desire to rip out anyone’s throat,” Bucky said. He felt lighter all of a sudden. More like himself. “Maybe Stark can make me a fancy paw for this as well. I could be an asset.”

“You want to be in the field again?”

“What else? You think I’ll let you run wild alone?” Bucky asked.

“I managed so far,” Steve replied. “Besides you’re the one who is running wild.”

“I don’t think I’m made for the domestic life, not anymore.” Bucky kissed Steve’s palm and continued. “You couldn’t give it up either, even with Lupescu around.”

“But I’m less inclined to stroll into danger since he lives with me.”

“It just seems you need a wolf to keep you in check,” Bucky said, grinning.

“That would make me a sheep…” Steve frowned.

“You’re confusing wolves with dogs, Steve.”

Steve kissed him to shut him up. “Let’s go home,” Steve replied once he gave Bucky’s mouth a break.

“And what will we do there?”

“I have a few ideas…”

“Maybe we should ask Tony then to hang out with Lupescu tonight?”

Steve kissed him again. “Excellent idea.”

 

~Epilogue: 7 Months later~

_Now:_  
“I feel like we got divorced and you got the house and the kid,” Sam complained as he put down a bag of what Steve thought were the snacks he promised to bring.

“And a new lover,” Bucky threw in from the living area where he was sitting with Lupescu already. “Besides I hate to break it to you, but you were never the other parent in this, that was Stark,” he continued.

Sam looked sharply at the back of Bucky’s head and then at Steve. “Really?”

“I always thought of Tony as a scary godfather.”

“Aren’t they all?” Sam asked. “Where is Tony anyway?”

“Running late, Iron Man business,” Steve replied. Since Tony and Pepper were on a break, Iron Man was working more, sleeping less and invited more often for dinner at Steve’s. Steve knew that Lupescu loved having Tony there. He and Bucky were working through their issues, after Bucky had confessed to murdering Howard and his wife. It had been rocky for a while there. Steve hated to be between a rock and a hard place. Tony was his friend, Bucky had been too and now Bucky was more. He was the father of Steve’s child. “He called,” Steve added before Sam could get into it.

“Did it sound like he was in the middle of beating people up?” Sam asked.

“Someone has to be out there while we’re having dinner,” Steve answered.

“There is Vision-“

“People are kinda scared of Vision ,” Steve said. It was true. They were scared of Wanda too. He had invited Wanda as well, but she had already plans with Clint and Natasha. Clint took her home to meet the kids and his wife. Steve thought it would be good for her after the disaster in Laos.

“And they are not scared of Iron Man!” Tony’s voice came from the window.  
Steve was so close to rolling his eyes.  
“Are you letting me in, or what? Cap?”

“Does he ever use the door?” Sam asked.

“When Bucky makes him,” Steve replied. Lupescu was already at the window and opening it. Tony was climbing inside. He was still dressed in the latest Iron Man armor.

“You forgot the wine,” Sam said, as Tony took off his helmet.

“I did not, it should be delivered in 3-2-1-“  
There was a knock at the door. Sam sighed but got it.  
“Right on time,” Tony finished.

Lupescu grinned up at him. He would soon be taller than Tony, Steve thought. They boy was growing fast.

“No sitting down at the table or on the couch in uniform,” Bucky said from the door to the living room.

“Spoilsport,” Tony sighed, dramatically. But he put the suit away and was soon engaged with Lupescu in a discussion about something. Steve had no idea and he didn’t pry. He was pretty sure that Tony knew Steve would break his legs if anything should happen to the boy and Bucky would then finish him off. Bucky was even more protective of Lupescu now than Steve. But then Bucky had always fiercely cared the most for his own.

“He is the scary godfather,” Sam said, opening the wine. “Rich scary Godfather.”

Steve shrugged. Lupescu deserved all the love in the world and it was pretty clear to him that Tony, even if he didn’t like to say the word, loved Lupescu. He would be, Steve thought, a good father.

“Where is the food, Cap? I’m starving and I just beat up a whole lot of bad people on my way here.”

Sam took out a bag of chips and threw it at Tony’s head. Tony caught it effortlessly.  
“You will spoil your appetite,” Steve said.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You are the mom and for your information, it doesn’t work like that.”

Steve ignored that comment. He didn’t think it was a bad thing to be the mom. After all, all parents took on different tasks when raising a child. “Dinner will be done in ten minutes. You can help Lupescu set the table,” he said.

The first time Steve had suggested to Tony to set the table, Tony had made some jokes, but by now he just grabbed the plates and cutlery, while Lupescu cared for the glasses and went to work.  
“Napkins,” Tony said.

“I got it covered,” Lupescu replied, producing the Iron Man napkins he got at their last outing.  
Bucky thought it was hilarious.

Once everything was ready they all sat down to dinner and after that they would watch at least one movie. Steve still had a list as long as his arm of stuff he just had to see. Bucky liked movies.  
Steve liked to cuddle with Bucky on the couch. Sometimes Lupescu would wedge himself between them and Steve liked that too.  
Really it was a win/win situation all around.

_Here:_  
“You ever thought about hooking up with Sam?” Bucky asked, genuinely curious.

Steve had taken to the whole being with a guy thing with ease and Steve and Sam were good together too. Like he and Steve used to be. They raised Lupescu together for a while, lived in Steve’s apartment. Sam was a constant in Steve’s life. And now in Bucky’s as well. Bucky wasn’t jealous or anything, because he knew that Steve was and always had been a one person at a time guy.

“No, I never even thought about you that way – or a man – until Lupescu pointed out that I indeed love you very much.”

Bucky felt his heart beat faster and his body go warm at that admission. He smiled at Steve. “Our son had to point that out to you?”

“I knew that I loved you very much, Buck, but I never thought I was in love with you, very much, as well.” Steve said. There was that look again, Bucky thought. The one he reserved for Bucky, the one that made Bucky’s heart hurt – now in a good way.

The thing about Steve was, Bucky thought, even if he had not much experience with love and romance, he was genuine and he cared and that made all the difference in Bucky’s opinion. Steve was attentive and curious and would try anything at least once.  
There was also this handy thing, Bucky thought, where he got off on his partner’s pleasure.

“Why are you asking?” Steve wanted to know.

“I always dreamed about a threesome,” Bucky replied. He was full of shit right now and he was pretty sure that Steve knew it.

“With Sam and me? I can hardly believe that,” Steve said.

Bucky rolled his eyes, and grabbed Steve by the shirt to pull him in. “With you and a girl…back in the day.”

“A girl?”

“I think Private Loraine would have been up for it.”

Steve smiled and then kissed Bucky. “Maybe she would have.”

Bucky buried his nose in the crook of Steve’s neck. He liked how Steve smelled. He liked to know that he was pretty much the only one who could leave a mark on Steve. He liked to see, touch, lick and kiss that mark he had left on Steve all those years and lifetimes ago.

“You’re so full of shit,” Steve said, pulling Bucky impossibly closer. It was a good thing that Tony had Lupescu tonight , Bucky thought. He felt rather horny and feral.

“You know, I think the history books will tell you in time that I am the sane one,” Bucky said and kissed Steve hard to forestall any protest on his end of the discussion. Bucky was getting bored with that kind of talk anyway.

Steve cradled Bucky’s face gently once Bucky let his lips go. He looked earnest as he said, “You are the sane one.”

Bucky had to kiss him for that again. He pushed Steve and Steve let himself fall onto the bed. “I want you naked.” He said and was already starting to pull off his own clothes. Steve wasn’t far behind. Sometimes Steve liked it (very much indeed) when Bucky took charge. It seemed tonight was one of those nights.

“How else do you want me?” Steve asked when he was naked and just looking gorgeous and tempting. It was good, Bucky thought that Steve was this and not small and scrawny anymore. With Steve like this Bucky didn’t have to hold back.

“First on your knees, sucking my cock, then face down so I can fuck you hard and then face to face, so I can kiss you when you come all over my fingers.”

Steve inhaled sharply. “Yeah, that works for me.”

Bucky grinned. He knew it would.  
Steve got out of bed and on his knees in front of Bucky. He looked up, his lashes sweeping over his cheeks and licked his lips. Steve was such a tease, Bucky thought.  
Steve leaned in, kissed the tip of Bucky's cock and then pulled Bucky in. Bucky's fingers tangled in Steve's soft hair. Steve's hands grabbed his ass and pulled him closer. Bucky's moan was more of a growl, Steve hummed in appreciation. Bucky knew that Steve liked it when Bucky felt a bit feral around the edges. It never scared Steve.  
Steve sucked harder and Bucky's hips thrust forward hard, Steve's fingers tightened on his ass and then pulled away with a wet sound.

“Wanna come like this? In my mouth?” Steve asked.

“We have a plan Steve,” Bucky said, but he was glad for the break. He was really close, but goddammit, Steve had a perfect mouth and knew exactly how to suck Bucky's cock.

“I remember.”

“Grab the lube,” Bucky said, pulling Steve up, and then because he couldn’t help himself he kissed Steve slow and languid, tasting himself on Steve's tongue.  
Steve was panting once the y parted, to be fair Bucky was too.

“Okay,” Steve said, kissing Bucky once more before he grabbed the lube and settled down on the bed again, presenting Bucky his gorgeous ass.

Bucky wasn't wasting any time anymore. He slicked up a finger and started preparing Steve. Suddenly he was inpatient and it seemed Steve was too, if the broken moans and demands for Bucky to hurry up were anything to go by.

“Stop messing around Buck,” Steve said once Bucky had three fingers inside Steve's ass.  
Bucky withdrew his fingers and lined up, he wasn't even going to give Steve shit for it.  
Steve groaned loudly once Bucky bottomed out. Bucky pressed his lips to Steve's neck and Steve relaxed all over. This was Bucky's favorite part about fucking Steve. Just being inside Steve, feeling Steve's body clutching him, tasting Steve's sweat against his lips, listening to Steve breathing. He thought he could stay like this for hours, just feeling Steve. It soothed the wolf inside him.  
“Move, Buck,” Steve said, his voice strained.

Bucky kissed his neck and did. He fucked Steve hard and fast until Steve told him to stop, because he was close and they had a plan.  
Bucky pulled out, rolled Steve onto his back, pushed in again and kissed Steve senseless as he stroked Steve's cock.  
It didn't take long for Steve to come all ove r Bucky's fingers, Bucky fucked him through it, ch asing his own orgasm. Steve was clinging to him, his blunt nails digging into Bucky's back and the n Steve pushed his nails against the back of Bucky's neck and Bucky came with a strangled cry. He looked down at Steve and smiled.

“Wanna fuck me now?” he asked.

Steve laughed. “Give me ten minutes.”

Bucky kissed him. He could do that.

~+~  
Once they were sated and clean again, Bucky sat down on the bed, his head thrown back and looked at the ceiling. “You mind if I change?” he asked.

Steve was toweling his hair dry, he stopped and looked at Bucky. “No, not at all.”

Bucky nodded, changed and curled up at the end of the big bed. Steve ran his fingers through his fur on the way to the bookcase. He grabbed a book. Something about Art Deco, Bucky was pretty sure as Steve was really into it right now.  
Steve settled down next to Bucky on the bed and Bucky put his head in Steve's lap. Steve ran his fingers through his fur absentmindedly.

“I thought we could take Lupescu and spend a few days at Tony's cabin,” Steve said.

Bucky looked up at him.

“Yes, I can take a few days off, I talked it over with Natasha and Vision,” Steve said.

Bucky licked his fingers.

“That's a yes, right?”

Bucky nodded and settled down again.

“Want me to read out loud to you?” Steve asked.

Sometimes Bucky liked it, but not tonight. He was feeling content and sleepy. He shook his head.

“Okay, then,” Steve said.

Bucky feel asleep to the rhythm of Steve's breathing.

 

\---+---

ART:

[http://heartofthemirror.tumblr.com/image/148521891427 ](http://heartofthemirror.tumblr.com/image/148521891427%20)


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